Your eyes

Your eyes
so dark and open
wide open
but some how glassed over to me too
crowned with your wild white hair
disheveled
flaming out from you head
and i see
you seeing
death coming
walking in slow motion
into our lives
entering
preparing to open the window wider
getting ready to steal you away
through the window, the door
you are about to be pulled
out
to the world we don't know
so clearly you understand more than i do
the mystery
but i can feel the texture of it with your gaze
oh great wonder
ready yourself
for if death is as beautiful as you
she is perfect

offer me a poem
because i thought
if i wrote mine all down
i could release the unneeded stories
absorb the truth
But i find myself
again
in that place
laying in bed,
waking in the morning
moving through the day
lost in the wilds of being human
fear of death
or suffering
knowing even in my safest moments
others
multitudes of others
are suffering
in pain
lonely
watching others hurt
trust falling like a wounded branch
from a tree
never to be attached again.

i find myself lost in the yellow light of sunset
in the middle of the day.
in my mind
flood waters are moving
firestormes are raging
threats are being made
adults are being forced to do nothing
and children are left without safe mud to play in

i really thought all the words i wrote
would be a balm
at least to myself
and now they are gone
meaningless
lost in the maze of all things past
so i search
for a new poem
new words
to find
to release
to sooth
i search in the sun light
in the soft breeze
in memories
and stories
in the skin of my child skin as i massage his shoulders
an in
to the depth again
to understanding
our place
i search

I'm sorry if I couldn't love you
I'm sorry you couldn't dance with me
I'm sorry if its over
I'm sorry if the trees die
I'm sorry if you never get to grow up
I'm sorry I failed
I'm sorry if your city gets bombed
or ours
if your children die
I'm sorry if I don't understand
I'm sorry if we didn't understand the fight
or what was happening
I'm sorry I didn't hear you
I'm sorry if I said it wrong and you couldn't hear me
I'm sorry you hurt
I'm sorry that I'm hopeless
I'm sorry if my words don't help
I'm sorry if you are so lost in the sickness you hate me
or the other beautiful scard people of this earth
I'm sorry if I don't want to help you
that I'm too tired
I'm sorry that fear turns my bones to lead mud
or shaking dried dead leaves
I'm sorry its such a shitty design.

I just wanted to live
and to be loved
to smile at you
and be seen
to have you shine love back at me
I just wanted to care for you
to have children and have them grow up
to be proud
to cuddle grandchildren
to leave knowing
it was all going to be ok
that my children
or at least your children
would go on

We all deserve
at least for a moment
to be looked at like a brilliant flower
our color stunning
breath taking
our lines
creases
so elegant
so right
We all deserve
to try and go on
to eat from the earth
and drink from the rivers
to feel the water, it's sacred caress
slide down our throats
We all deserve
to fight for our own life
to walk on the soil
If you were born you have the right to sit down and pee when the water needs to come back out
and to jump in the fucking beautiful cold lake when you want
and to scream at the sky that it hurts and is beautiful and you don't know why
We all deserve
to die
trying
or crying
and to let our bodies
go back

I went to school for years
they tried to teach me
so many many things
But
They never tamed
the  animal in me
all the way
I may snarl fight back
or help
or try
or
I may just freeze, roll over
but before I do
let me at least write this last poem

There is no law
no agreement
that I ever made
that I ever agreed to
It's not my army
or money system
I never asked for the fences
or the poison in the water
I never requested all the bricks
the the weapons, the wooden chairs or the prisons
and all the hatred
just makes me cry
But since I don't even believe in my own free will
I don't believe in yours either
and so I forgive you
and myself
I forgive all of us
back to the first man who powered over a woman
who raped her
who forced her to cover her beautiful full breasts
I forgive all the atrocities
I know nothing
nothing
nothing
nothng
about
that make my stomach revolt
just to consider
just to picture in my mind
I forgive this screwed up maze of abuse
spiraling back
so far I loose track
the lords and kings, the crusades
the slave ships,
all that I don't
don't
don't
understand
because I was not there
was not you
all the millions
and billions
of you's
and your tears
and volcanos of pain

And even if you didn't ask to be forgiven
for risking
killing
everything I love
for making me have to choose what i tell my children
and now that they worry
for killing
my hope
I now
give forgiveness
to you
and to myself

lullaby to humans

oh humans
this is a lullaby to you

Sweet humans don't you know to stop looking
for God
or Goddess
far away

There is no house to enter
no door to leave open
God lives in you
you are Gods home.
You are the arms of God
and the eyes of God
and God is in the arms and eyes of every person you see
brush by
or touch
God is in everything you see and and do
 
You sleep in Gods bed
You are wrapped in the Goddess cloths
fed by her plants
The breath of spirit comes into you with every inhale
flows from you with every exhale
Your body is as sacred as they come
every mistake you make
feeling you feel

The beginnings of time
are in the pain in your chest
in everything that feels right
and warm.
God is in the words frozen in fear
on your tongue
that long to come out
but won't

Feel the fear
the visceral fear
righteous anger that you were placed in this maddening
crazy puzzle world
and know
it is a magical blade of two sides.
because there is also nothing to fear
Nothing to fear in the dark
in the sweet end of the day
or days
end of years
or time running out
or the dog running loose
nothing to fear even in your children dying
or suffering
or the end of the Earth
the end of the Moon
or the Sun
moving to a place where the stars are not the same
God is there
is everywhere
everywhere you have ever been or will ever go
in this life
or after
there is no mystery
that is not in you
or some how tied to you
you all part of all that has ever been
or will ever be.

Oh humans
so caught in our torture
of each other
and our cages
and seprateness
so broken
and whole.
All will be forgiven
all is forgiven
because you are God
you are in God
and God is you.  

Sweet humans sleep a peaceful sleep now
because you are right
you are good
and for now the sun
that we know
and love
will rise tomorrow
and will again shine its love
our love
on us.

When you are lost

When you are lost

and I don't know where

when you can not hear me

and there is nothing I can do

I need to know 
it is your road to travel

your journey

to come out from

or

not

lost

in the woods

or your in own mind

I will give you your journey

I will trust in you

I will trust in all that is

In the endless circles

of hellos and goodby's

of babies and wrinkles

rocks and stars

the endless circles 

of struggle and healing

violence and birth

rotting and growth

I will trust

I will trust

and I will still call

I will call your name

sister

neighbor

friend

I will call

my voice echoing against the clouds

and hills

I am here

We are here

just over the ridge

down the creek

around the block

right in front of you

We are here with waiting arms

waiting to hold you and all your sorrows

we are here 

with plenty

with food to nourish you

and blessed water to quench you

The wind is still sweet

and for now there is enough

enough food

enough love

enough time,

sunshine and blankets

trees and fertile earth

eat it with me

share with me

care for me

cry with me

for we are here together 

but everything we know

and love

will die

Then I see

I need to let go and know

That it is our journey to travel

There is no going back

no other way to find

I can not lock the door 

we can not hide

or buy a map of lies from a slick sales man

So I may as well stand as tall as I can 

look as fully as I can

with out blinking

at the future we have in front of us

a species

perhaps suicidal by accidental design

so scared and full of pain

a species of beauty and brutality 

that has learned to care for and nurture the most beautiful seeds 

and to tortures ourselves and each other 

a species grasping at hope and stories

stories of hate

stories of perfection, bliss,

shiny gold, stories of sleek cars and

Gods in the sky

or buried in ourselves

that save us

or reject us

So scared we have sold each other a thousand mountains of trash, a million books of lies 

and as our home planets eco systems shifts 

as our own children's fate shifts under our feet 

We hoard resources, 

build fences and walls from each other

we bicker of needless details and trite slices of coated candy

So scared we can not see another path to take

I will try as hard as I can

not to loose myself in the fear

but to wait in wonder and awe

while we are here

as we prepare

to let go

Wash me with your tears

bless me with your smile

gaze into my eyes 

and cherish me 

and I will cherish you

for everything we know

and love

will die.

oh beautiful boy
young man
move your legs, pump them against the peddles
the ground
test your strength
feel the heat grow in your body, fight to go further faster
fly through this air as fast as you can
Show the wind
your determination, your excitement
and you puppy smile
it is new
you are here
wild and fresh and alive
be seen
see yourself
feel yourself
your body
feel the blood pumping through your muscles
and skin
your long perfect limbs releasing the energy of the sun
feel your arms and each powerful finger grip the handle bars as you plow through the head winds

because tomorrow
may never arrive
maybe gone
we may leave each other
as mysteriously as we came together.
We will leave each other
as mysteriously as we came together
we will leave this ground
these roads
the gravel edge
the dirt
we will leave the trees and rocks
smiles and pain
we will leave
we are walking towards the exit now
but today you are so here
as beautiful as every sunrise and sunset
ever created
as unique as every blade of grass and grain of sand on the surface of the earth
as magical as every streak of light reflected since some crazy seed of singularity
expanded
over 3 billion years ago
to make all that is joyous and violent
all that is known and unknown
that expanded 3 billion years
ago to make you
and then
take you back in.

Thank you Kara!!!

I have so much to share!  I will just start now, share more later, maybe messy.  Kara is still at the hospital but doing well. She was dehydrated so they pumped her with fluids for the night to help flush out some enzyme built up in her body.  I sat with her all evening. She is Amazing! She has some amnesia and, as before, some confusion about what is reality and what is not, but also remembers many details that kept trickling out.  I was fearful that she would come back from this more traumatized but it appears that the reverse might have happened, she might have healed some trauma and come back ready to share her wisdom. The adventure started when we were all walking back a mile and half hike from Lake Superior, with a large and messy family group some how i missed that she was the last one and when we got to the end of the trail and i waited for her but she never came, and so started a long 5 days... talking to her;  She didn't have any idea how long she had been lost but found her way back right near the parking lot where we all went in 5 days before! she ran into a family 💗  that recognized her and walked the final stretch back with her telling her how we were all looking for her and gave her a sandwich and a banana as someone else ran to get the rangers  💗 that were down below at a campground.... yesterday morning/afternoon she was on a creek that she followed down stream and took her to the trail that lead her back.  She said she could feel that people wanted her back and were sending her love.  She said there were times she was confused and mad that no one had given her a tent! but that she remembers walking and thinking well I'm lost but its not the end of the world and even feeling stronger than she has since high school, that she could do this.  Kara has dealt with a lot of pain and internal struggle.  She  is an incredibly beautiful and sensitive spirit.  She talked about being a teenager and seeing how horrible it was to discover how people both hurt her and hurt each other.  she cried tears of joy to hear of all the people looking for her, praying for her thinking of her.  She mentioned so many people and loved hearing the names of those thinking of her, the communities.  Song.  She told me song, song helped her, she sang to herself to support her as she walked,  that all animals have or understand song.  For me I celebrate this rebirth of Kara and I see that this woman who has been crying out for more love, to be seen, who needed to believe in herself and humanity just found a way to be seen, to show herself her strength, to see how ready people are to help and care for each other. She found a way to show the rest of us her gifts and remind us how beautiful and precious we each are, no matter how different or slow or even angry at times. Kara beautiful spirit, child of color and light and looking at feathers and spider webs, thank you for reminding us that each of us is such a gift. reminding us that today is the day to look in the eyes of the ones around us and see them and love them and hug them and thank the universe for the miracle that is them.  Thank you for coming home so that i could look in your eyes again and tell you with all the wordless feelings in my heart that I love you and I am beyond glad that our lives are woven and you are tied to my heart.  💗💗💗

If I could explain

If I could explain this day
map out this tree
each twig and branch
The sun flecks sparkling
as the breeze dances each leaf
If I could write a recipe
your warm skin
through your t-shirt
mixed in with
the hum of the city, the twittering of the birds, the rustle of the green world
blades of grass bending, crossing each other
springing back after a touch
If I understood the design of you that was inside of me
and your father
before you were born
and then how you flew out of me
into the world
like a magic gong ringing
to add to the perfect cacophony
If I could explain all this and and how it is happening a million fold
in each moment
then perhaps my poems would sell for a million dollars each
perhaps I could lead the worlds people through a new door
and explain away the laws that say it is illegal to be alive without money
perhaps I could hold my poems up like shields
to protect my people
I could fling them out like throwing ninja stars
that would cut through all the pasty lies
sever the thick cords of servitude, debt, doubt, disconnect
that smother so much of our world
wrap around us, our city, binding us to the cold loveless pavement
and holding us back from kissing our mother earth and our beautiful mud bodies.
oh perfect simple star light word
come to me
and hold my hope back up
that my people
will treat my people
with the love and magic and respect they deserve.

You grew up with windows

If you grew up in the suburbs of the US
You grew up with windows.
You most likely grew up with windows that were clean.
You most likely grew up with large windows that were clean.
You most likely grew up with large windows that were clean, that let in the light but kept out the cold.
You grew up with large windows that were clean that let in the light but kept out the cold and if they were broken they were fixed.
You grew up with large windows that were clean that let in the light but kept out the cold and if they were broken they were fixed, that didn't have bars on them.
You grew up with large windows that were clean that let in the light but kept out the cold and if they were broken they were fixed, that didn't have bars on them, that opened and closed with ease.
You grew up with large windows that were clean that let in the light but kept out the cold and that were fixed, that didn't have bars on them, that opened and closed with ease, with blinds and curtains that could be opened and closed with ease.
You grew up with large windows that were clean, that let in the light but kept out the cold, that were fixed, that didn't have bars on them, that opened and closed with ease, with blinds and curtains that could be opened and closed with ease, that looked out on clean grass and green trees and other well tended houses.
You grew up with large windows that were clean, that let in the light but kept out the cold, that were fixed, that didn't have bars on them, that opened and closed with ease, with blinds and curtains that could be opened and closed with ease, that looked out on clean grass and green trees and other well tended houses, or a vista
or maybe even a lake
that the sun rose over.
And most likely you didn't know

you couldn't see

so you didn't understand

where the glass came from

or who made the frames

or that your house had large working clean windows without bars on it

but others don't.

you couldn't see

so you didn't understand

So you never even asked why

just give up now

lets just give up now, for real
lets let go
into the rain puddle
face on the cement.make a bouquet of cigarette butts in the ashtrayspend money on another druglet the cuts come.
caress the lands with bombs
blow it all to smithereens
lets fill the rivers with trash
feed the fish plastic
and the children lies
lets walk away from calls of need
throw away hugs
spit out words of hate
fling them as strong as we can
lets cry all alone
and yell at others for wallowing in their own self pity
deny resources for those in need
takes baths in vodka
exhaling sweating the stink all day long
smear our blood on the stones of the walls already there as we climb them
offer ourselves to the top
building them higher with our own bodies
our own dead bodies
sacrificing ourselves to the GMO corn
lets just forget about them
fuck ourselves for driving past them
hate ourselves for not helping them.
hate ourselves for eating pork from beaten pigs
lets pig out on it
and the radical feminists, the inner city blacks and the privileged white activists, the poor,
the Palestinians and the Jew, the people who don't understand us,
lets blame all the people out there who are different from us, lets blame the men that date woman half their age
lets blame the hopeless drug addicts, the blind rich, the victims,
the brother with brain damage who can not care for himself because he tried to kill himself years ago. The skinny bitch who only thinks about herself and her diet and trying to make her body perfect. lets beat up those who look like the ones who beat us. lets beat up those who put us here. those who enforced the rules. lets fuck those who break the rules.
let the mountains blow up
drive our cars with abandon and hit pedestrians.
because lets face it,
Humans kill and rape and bomb.
abuse and excuse.
and then bury and deny.

don't bother to leave the house
don't wear a jacket for the cold
or
give a jacket for the cold
forget about
mittens
and drums
and smiles
in my hopelessness
and cry with me
because this world is built on top of a volcano of pain
lets shoot guns into the air and let the bullets rain back down on us
lets pop the tires of children parked by the play ground
lets put up more fences
lets fertilizer the plowed fields with
and the homeless
lets blame the angry men
There are 7 billion of us and most of us feel alone, uncared for.
or
or
Just for a moment just see me
in my hopelessnessand cry with mebecause this world is built on top of a volcano of pain

Our small fears "I'm not good at looking at art"

"I'm not good at looking at art" I have had more than one person say this to me.  

Oh everyone, never look at a piece of art again and wonder what you are supposed to feel or do 
or see
Feel what you are feeling, think what you are thinking 
Never pretend again to be interested if you are bored
Stop being polite
lets go back to the day of throwing tomatoes if we are disappointed. 
Stomping our feet to ask for a beat.  
If you don't understand the conversation ask a question or leave 
Leave 
be brave and leave now scared humans

Everyone cry with me again 
Oh we who hold the power to blow the shell of our planet up over and over again but are to scared to tell the artist that we are bored
To scared to tell the doctor we still hurt
to scared to not go to the meaningless job
to stop buying the tools of the slave master
to scared to admit our own part in the rape 
to go against the pressure of friends
to scared of pain or death and rejection. 
We are lost
Our powers go spinning out so so far beyond our own small lives. 
Our stories no longer fit into the reality
We have woven ourselves into a tangled web of lies 

I'm hungry for you to admit what is happening
What happened
I'm hungry for you to know what it feels like to be me or them 
or for you to share what it really was like for you
To pour spill your ache out like the gush of water breaking
To vomit it onto the floor no hiding anymore. 
I am so hungry I can almost taste your scream in my mouth
behind your swallowed words

Human of the world be the artists, be the rebels 
be the angels
scare me with your beauty and ugliness
rise up into the sky with your own billowy dreams 
and sink into the earth with the lead of your pain
save me 
with your truth

Person so unlike me

Person so unlike me
learned in the forces of abusing power
addicted to feeling above
liar
offensive
abuser
controller.
Trying to get the world to swirl around you
and your small vision
splintered understanding.
Surrounding yourself with perfect beauty
painted skin
shiny screens, plastic and gold leaf.
try to hold it still
try to keep it
as it melts to the ground.

Coat yourself with young beauties
who open themselves up for you
push your children out
who's sweetness you drink
and try to parade as yours
and then discard.

keep trying to steal into
to burrow into the perfection of woman
pussy
sweet warm
forgiving
opening
loving
beautiful
pussy
keep trying to grab it
because you know
that is where the truth is.

you were pushed out of a woman
from a womb filled with fluid.
They are the crack in your facade
you need them.
you need us.
You touch skin because
you
are just like me
wanting only
to know
you are special
and lovable
That you are ok
that it will all be ok.
that the mother will welcome you back.
You want only to return.
You know you are as gross as your shit
you are as sick as the flu
you are heading for death.

I will meet you someday
in the ocean of life.
In the smear and the mud.
Someday I will make love to you
lay beside you
in the swirl of
atoms
be kissed by the same sun light as you
and forgive you
and hold you
as the scared child you are.
And life will laugh at us
and how ridiculously far from the truth we walked.