Saturday, December 1, 2018

Everything

There are laws of physics
That we are trapped by
That we can not escape from
no matter how hard we dream

They say
There was a point
When everything in our universe was one
A singularity
A point of everything inside itself
or nothing

Maybe that was Heaven
No separation
Everything one with everything
The rightest moment

Or maybe
It was Hell
like a cage, a trap
The pressure
Everything couldn’t stand it

Or maybe it was so wonderful
To be pressed so close
So magnificent to know
to feel
pure connection
We just had to share it
To explode with joy
Isn't it amazing?!?

And so Everything
Decided to exploded
Or had to,
We just couldn’t help it

And the instant we did
We both loved it and regretted it
As the violence tore us apart
shredded
and broke us
From being one
into being

We screamed
and fell and flung and flew
We celebrated and sang out with joy
We roared with the birthing
and wept with happiness and rage
We shreeked the same blood red screeches of pain that mothers release from their throats
when they see their babies dead

It took us so long to settle
Out, down
To calm
To a slower breath
and grow
Trust and bond again

but we did

We made
We became
Energy, Matter
Stars
Cells
Planets
Life

And now
We repete
And repete
and repete

Being one
and separating.
Creating
and Destroying.
Birthing and
Dying.
The gift
and curse of life
That we hate and love.
The cycle
And we can not escape

But
We remember
We long for
We dream of
And we fear
That moment
That point
When we
Were one
With everything








II

We find a balm
In ritual
In the repeat
Because then we remember
what we were once were

The ritual
In leaves falling
And the ground freezing
The ritual in
Rain falling and mud
In laying in the warm sun
In running
And hiding
In crying and kissing
In making love
In breaking open ourselves
and pushing life out of our bodies


Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Crazy Garden

I am a crazy garden 
tomatoes laying on the ground rotting
But also ripe ones 
juicy, ready to be eaten 
And green ones full of potential 
I am the muddy worn path children have run on over and over
And the tangled forgotten one
Almost invisible.
I am the seeds planted with loving hands and intention
And I am the neglect
I am the seeds planted by chance
and by the unknown wisdom
of the wind and rains.
I am the waiting seeds and the cool dark earth under deep cover.
I am the mysterious cobwebs
Brilliant flowers, dripping berries, and over grown branches.
I am dying patches and brown leaves.
I am a feast for bugs
I am the unkempt bramble
The fertile soil
messy, joyous
full of stories
gifts
and possibilities.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

And so we sat

And so we sat
without talking
letting the silence say
all the words
letting the silence
hold
all the stories
we had already told each other
all the truths we didn't know how to say

letting the silence
express
all the pain
all the gratitude
all the memories of children's smiles
and family gone
all the hoplessness
and all the kindling sticks of hope reborn
all the broken promises and broken hearts
all the love throbbing in our chests
all the power burning in our bellies
all the crying and screams stuck in our throats

the silence took it all in
the silence had all the space we needed
the silence said all we needed to hear
the silence held all we had to hand out

the silence became a thing
a tower of strength we could lean on
meld with
join
our silence strengthened it
built it thicker and taller
and wider
and yet it was lighter than air
we could pass our eyes and hands right through it
the silence
and we could feel it spread out from us and extended into the night

the candle burned
in the center of us
like a single bright coal broken from the sun
melding with the dark

and we held the silence
and felt the power
that we didn't need words to know.


Thursday, February 8, 2018

A perfect opening line.

I could live in this song with you. 
There is a song I could live in with you. 
There is a song I live in with you. A story that is yours and mine.
 It feels... like there is perfect opening line. 
A perfect opening line. 
This poem is just for you and me. 
No one else. 
For the song that I live in that is you. 
The curve of your chin that I out line over and over with the tips of my fingers.
 How you swept me into my dreams and now even if you waltz away I hope I remember the solid sweetness. 
As sure as sap that drips down the trees.
That our dreams were shared, separately 
but when mixed together fit.
Like the perfect pot of soup. 
The magic brew. 
They filled the caldron full. Bubbled - boiled over with magic bubbles. 
Steamed up my kitchen and I couldn't get the scent off of me. 
A magic. 
That swept into my dreams. 
A fist full of my dreams and yours mixed with rosemary and lemon sorrel and afternoon  sun. 
Like our dreams were mixed up in the clouds before we even knew. 
Like the bobbing heads of cosmos light filtering threw their Petals that your parents planted and entranced me.
The beginning of the spell. 
Cast into the earth and my soul.

Project it all on me sky and I will magnify his love.
 I will burn my love into wood. 
Pierce this reality with a story so long and old, so enchanted he will never leave 
even when our dance together is done. 
So enchanted we can never leave.
For I am still the child who dreams. 
I am the girl swept away by melodies. 
Who waltzes with desire. 
The little girl who will never die I until I die. 
For her I believe. 
Oh the throbbing heart of the earth that gave me this dream. 
Offers me no treasure that I can refuse. 
Oh magic juices. 
Mystic fluids flow through my body telling me it is right.  
It is just to run. 
To it to your bed to your arms. 
Fly me higher then I thought I would go. 
Lower than I was. 
I forfeit it all. 
all love is a trade. 
That all trades take. 
That reward is not given without being brave.
How I would risk it all to taste your sweet sugar smile. 
To hear you say again that it's impossible not to love me. 
For you only I am grand. 
For I am addicted to the spell the world cast upon me when you said you loved me. 
I am enraptured by the gentle beast that is you. 
The sadly tamed thing that I long to free. 
That I fear 
to free. 
Like a wind that blew through me. 
How I long to capture it. 
And fear to do so. 
Stay with me 
Son of the great spirits, wild wind. 
I will dance in dreams with you over and over. 
My mythology is you and your rolling unknowable edges. 
Your encompassing soul that has entwined me.  
Blow through my hair. 
Flow through my body. 
You are my poison my food, my antidote to the curse. 
The curse of this small life. 
The curse that I excepted so long ago. 
The curse I was handed from the stars through my parents and all who came before.  
That we were all handed from the first scream of creation. 

You are my magic pebble. 
Now I will toss you up. 
Up into the air. 
I will toss you away to the winds that brought you. 
Who are you. 
Blend with them. 
Land where you will. 
Never forget me no matter the that winds or water wear. 
My heart is seeded in you. 
I planted it there. 
With every kiss you let me give you. 
Could I plant enough kisses in 2 months to combat the torture of fate to only bring us together and then leave us back here in earth with our small fates. 
Our little lives. 
Oh brother dreamer. 
Get lost with me again. 
Wander through the wild lands enchanted world.

If I could I would give you the world to write about. 
I would send you songs in your dreams. 
And if your heart gets crushed into the earth 
I hope then I have loved you for enough years that I know you will always be with me. 
If I could squeeze you tight enough to wring all the sorrow of the world out and let you start again in a new universe. 
I one pure of violence and rage. 
If I could dream that world up I would paint it on your soul. 
If I could rescue us from fate. From the curses. 
The curse of wanting, the curse of wishing it was different. 
The curse that you my prince will die. 
That our love will crumble.  
That I am only one of a billion princesses lost in the spiraling falling toward earth hoping we will be caught in safe arms. 
Scoop me up for one more day and tell me this day it is ok. 
This day we are alright.  
Safe one more day. 
float me in your capable strong arms 
stroke me, pet me and tell me your not leaving. 
Tell my heart that doesn't believe. 
That is leaving another to run to you. 
Tell my betrayal that family is not everything. 
That I can grow to know you there like the earth under my feet, 
like I knew he was there. 
Never doubting that he loved me more than any other thing. 
How can I not doubt when I know I am planted on you in this life like a new seed, a young sprout. 
And so much can go wrong the first seasons. 
Drought, soggy soil. Forgetfulness. 
Weeds like trouble crowding out, chocking a young vine. 
In the magic garden that the good and bad witches planted. 
they bestowed their gifts and curses upon us. 
The gates are guarded. 
The treachery of creation. 
all the signs are there. 
The music is there. 
The end is understood. 
For every blessing we trade in a coin  
A hoard of pain backs all the magic. 
All the tell tale sighs.  
Red dog, black cat. Spires of smoke.  
Cathedrals of hope. 
Fields of red poppies. 
Rivers of relief and motes of rage. 
Guiding stars and missed signs. 
traded my soul for the gift of life to flow through me. 
I gave my heart to the earth that does not care about you of me but will make a deal over and over. 
Letting us pretend we have power and control. 
Pretend you are the magic one. 
In darknesses magic garden you were born out of a flower. 
And I saw it. 
I dreamed of its silky Petals
and i picked it

For my stoic dreamer

Sometimes I'm not sure if we are just having a little walk
a journey through the woods
or a trek to the end of the lands.

Will I some day be plain to you?
simple
like
yes there life bread chewing
eating, shitting
smiling, dying
everything nothing
ok forgotten and remembered?

Sometimes
I wonder if we will make it to 
the day I both look forward to
and fear.
The day
when our love will be like the earth
the soil.
Unexciting
ever present
steady
there.
Ready to accept
gentle showers
and hard rains
the droughts
the sunshine
the seeds
the dropped rotten fruit
and the shells of dead bodies.
After all our dreams have either come to fruition,
planted new growth
or fallen like brown leaves to decay on the bottom of a lake.
Ready to withstand the cold stark long winters
to celebrate the glorious rebirth of spring
and the full bountiful lush sensual summer
open to the beautiful melancholy turn of fall.
The day I will be with you
like nothing
like your own eyes
wormed into your heart
your chest
like a parasite
living in your flesh
eating you
and feeding you
forgotten
taken for granted
dusted in your shirt
smudged on your face
flowing through your veins
The day you will feed me
like you feed yourself.

I have been with my cat when she died,
I have listened to stories of loved ones dying
and I wonder if after years of feeling your spirit soar when we make love
I will finely be there with you and feel your spirit float out of your body one last time
or if you will be with me when mine leaves
or if when that happens
it will have been years
since we lay together
since we looked in each others eyes
and we will just be deep fond memories to each other.
Or if when we die 
our souls will meet
again
up somewhere in the sky
in the stars
a reunion.

I have danced already with you
on your skin, and felt
like I was a star
floating
knowing
truth.
knowing I love you with all my heart
I am everything and nothing
I am lost
and it is all so right
so exciting
and dull
so long
and short
and
unknown

but for now
I feel
you are with me
beside me
and I am grateful



Thursday, January 25, 2018

surprise

maybe gods name should be oh...

A poem
for wishing i had new words to slide around
and give to your head
and your sinewy body and fingers to dance to
to watch your lizard form
tense
ready to pounce
relax in surprise
and delight
to get high on
wanting so to be high with you
high on your touch
high on your warmth
on you warm inside me
high on your strangness
and your rightness

Surprised
oh there it is
the spark on god was inside me
and you touched it
ignited it
just like two sticks rubbing together make fire
with the right rhythm
friction
tention
with the right tilt
right pressure
right materials
right stick and base board
cedar or basswood or pussy
ironwood hand hold
tool

and why baby
why i say baby
oh baby
then
I only say oh
when all the truths of the words i tried to form
escape from my open mouth
flow out of my mouth in silence
in nothing but breath
and its all caught
as it drifts up towards the sky
all the orgasms ever had
from the first explosions of stars
there is no word
for what i want to say
but oh