A wild run

In general, I am averse to risk
I am homebody, a nester

But
I know the pleasure of running down a hill, your legs spinning under you,
you realize you've lost control, you might trip at any moment
and you are scared,
tumbling
feeling the air with each bounce
but also
you are wild and free
carefree of the crash until it happens
In awe of the risk
caught in the wonder of momentum
for a few seconds, time is timeless
the end has not been reached
and the joy of being alive bursts through your body
extends out
and wraps your tiny self
around the whole great earth

Body of Civilization
now we are running
down the hill
tumbling faster than we can control
scared
sad
but oh what a wild ride it has been
how beautiful the music we have created
the lights and explosions we released
The power of the sun we liberated from wood and gas
and the magic of understanding
We have lifted our selves up into the sky
and talked through the clouds
We swam with dolphins
and made millions of babies
and millions of laughs
We looked at tiny crystal cells and mapped our genes

Civilization, I am but one cell in your body
and I weep for our choice
But I love you
I forgive you
and I am grateful for the wild ride












 

A hole is never empty

A hole is never empty

Something always fills it

Air

or water

or sand

Bark 

Or bugs

Leaves

Minerals 

Blood

scar 

puss

Pain

or time

or love

A hole is never empty

Something always fills it

Silence as big as a mountain 

Or a baby’s cry

Like children at the beach

We learn 

The edges collapse 

And the water rushes in

Never Become a Dancer

Never become a writer
Write to get the fever down
because the words come tumbling out
Write to return the river to the sea
and feel the center of the earth

Never become a scientist
Wonder because you don’t know
Explore because it is so beautiful
Look because the world is before you, falling at your feet
and you can’t look away
Search because love leads you
to try

Never become a musician
Make music to save your self
Sing at the sky because it is so wide
because your voice flies up into the air by its own will
Sing because you can feel the stars singing back into you
because you can feel it comfort all the lost souls
Bang on the drum because your heart knows
for all the infinite yeses out there
Pull on the strings because they ring out the truth of your soul
Make music because your longings will go unanswered
but while the tone is going your thirst
will be quenched

Don't become a dancer
Dance because you are free and wild
because the beat is running up your spine
Dance because you have to
Because you want to
Because God loves you
and forsakes you

Again

Again the cat calls to say he has brought a gift
while I lay in bed
thinking about the son I don't live with right now
the child I no longer cook dinner for each night
he is 12
13 in one month
Again no poem
for the men I love
the choices made and unmade
again I don't understand
Love
no words for the sadness I can't even feel
again I think about
turn over in my mind
the dire warnings about our climate
all the attempts at change
the huge ship of our humanity unable to stop sliding in the direction....
I hear the whir of the city, like the ocean in the distance
always louder and clearer on a cloudy night
again I think about my sons and their future
again I imagine the last time I will see them
how we all might end
again I get out of bed
The cat has brought a mouse
I pet him to tell him it is good
and step by to go to the bathroom
thinking I will get a piece of paper to pick it up with in a moment.
I hear him start to crunch on the mouse
I think perhaps its skull
In the time it takes me
he has finished
it is gone
I turn on the light to see
to clean the floor
but there is no sign of it
like it never was
No mouse
No body or blood on the floor
just purring cat
gleaming white chest
asking to be pet
I stand up and I pick up my cell phone
by habit
again
It has a warning on it
of flash floods
again I put it down
and go to write a poem in the dark
on my glowing computer screen
and try to pay attention
to what brings the tears

Best way to remove stains

I find the internet full of differing opinions and advise that is just to buy a product when I search for advise. So I am going to keep a list of ways that I remove stains that i have tried and know work here. i will add as i use them and they work.

Remove plum, fruit, berry stains from cotton:
first I put some salt and enzymes for cleaning on it. not sure this did anything
Right away; keep wet. Stretch fabric over bowl and pour boiling water over it.  This worked after the enzymes

Die now

I see it clearly,
the dying
So die now so beautifully
so ugly
Melt away before my eyes
Dry up, crumple, shrivel and mold
Rot
Fight the dying
Flail your arms
Crawl on top of each other to get out
Struggle to save each other
Lick
the wounds out
the goo off each others wings
Balm
each others hearts
Splint
your limbs so you may drag on a little more
But my eyes are Gods
and they told me
We are doomed
We are gifted
with returning
releasing
and now at our crowning pinnacle of glory and gore,
blazing brilliance and raging anguish
we are falling like rain
ready like leaves before fall
So shimmer now
one more time for me
Let me tell you I love you
I am so happy we were here
together
Oh you were raining stars
so beautiful
If you only knew how beautiful you are
your heart would explode
It would explode with the power of the first moment
and a new universe would be born
for that is what happens every time a soul explodes
into truth
Oh lover, friend,
don’t keep yourself from weeping
because it is the cruelest goodbye and hello
Our God is terrible
and kind
Their loving arms
will scorch
Their kiss is sweet

but it will burn away our bones

I almost wrote you a poem

I almost wrote you a poem
but then I turned on my computer
and got lost
I read about a woman who left her kids in her car on a bridge
and jumped off

I saw some posts
about where we are as a species
and our climate
and the teenagers that are working
to try and turn us around

then I read a text from my sister
and sent her a contacts info
and got working on a spread sheet
so I could record
the names and numbers
of the people
who will come and sing with us
I typed and moved
and fixed

and then
after getting lost on work of digits and details and words

I stepped outside
and saw
the still life of the bike
parked by the side of the house
the shadows cast and the ground reflecting the light of the city sky
and the chamomile flowers glowing
like polka dots in the dark garden

and I remembered
that I was going to write you
a poem

Sometimes in life

Sometimes in life
you have to choose
between
one sadness
and another.

There are no other roads in front of you
no other deals
no other cards

So you choose a path
you make your choice
turn in your card

and look in the face of sadness
she becomes your partner
your company
she rides along side you

If I could have I would have given you a house full of people
who loved you
and a neighborhood full of children to play with
I would have given you gardens
and flowers
and music
I would have lavished my love on you
I would have brushed your hair
and fed you breakfast in the morning

but we were given what we were given
we have our cages and habits
our addictions and patterns

I have no other roads I see
or can find
so we walk
we walk
lost on the only road we can find.

Crazy Momma Earth

Momma earth is not always a kind mother
because really she is kinda crazy
in turmoil
she may give you everything you need
sometimes
but then when you are in need she may turn her back to you

She is a drama queen
often enamored with power
Sometimes she favors her sons that are jerks, assholes 
and forsakes those who have cared for her
the timid and small

She throws fits
and breaks everything
and her poor children left confused and forlorn
crawling for shelter
rejected and ignored

Oh she loves us so much
but she forgets about us

She cries "Why have I birthed my babies
just to leave and ignore them?"
but she must
let them go
and trust they will go on their way
as she goes off to party
and play
and fight with her lovers
and then roll over in her crushing pain
and curling into her molten core
like baby herself
crying in her confusion

Our love at first
our spirts encountering each other
light
towers
spears shooting into the air
shinning
sparkling in the sun,
sailing epiphanies
Then the physical
super delicious, sweet curvy
juicy
sliding, pushing, slipping
licking
into dark tunnels
and bending fabric slides
then clouds
catching us
billows of trust
pillows
resting comfort home
and all the things i wanted to tell you
from my long journey
stories tumbling out
and then
the pain of being here
in this world
still.
doubt
fear
and the work
of building a bottom
slow
laying the bricks of trust
over and over
that hold up
our spirts
as they walk

The taste of snow with Gio

For my son Gio. 

Shortly before my grandma died 

she sat up, totally alert for a moment and said

“oh the lemon meringue pies, they were so good!” 

She was a great pie maker. 

And the lemon meringue was so good.  

Sweet yellow that melted on your tongue 

They were the last words my mother heard from her lips.

And now I see, I remember again,

that if I imagine 

what I would say on my deathbed, it would be 

"the nights shoveling snow with you, Gio, Weren't they wonderful?!" 

The snow softly falling to the ground around us. undoing our work

Your joy in moving your body, in working, so capable, so alive that we would shovel all the neighbors walks too, the street around all the cars, down to the bus stop.

The dark of the sky lightened to pink by the city lights. 

I can smell, taste now the snow melting on our wet winter cloths, warmth of our bodies. The snow itself. The air

Maybe cold toes or fingers, 

Then maybe so hot from working we took off our hats and unbuttoned our coats 

felt the cold on our ears, air flowing through our shirts and sweaters to our chests 

my heart so full of the rightness.

Now I know 

that sometimes once you do something with someone 

you can never do it without them again

I can not shovel snow and not feel that you too are there

in me

moving with me. 

Enjoying the wonder 

the stuff of life 

and being alive 

in it.