I did not know I was thirsty
until I saw the water
I didn't know how much my heart needed you
until I saw your eyes
and joined my voice with yours
I did not know the hunger in my soul
until I felt again
the completeness of connecting to others

I danced with my mother tonight

I danced with my mother tonight

And she watched me dance.

There will be a last time we dance 

Together

Smiling, laughing  

Or not 

looking at each other.

A last time she dances

Doing that thing she does with her mouth

Wiggling her hips, strutting 

Clapping here and there to the music

Her legs that no longer fully straighten or fully bend

still stoat, still move close to in time with the beat.

There will be a last time I dance for her 

Have her adoring mother eyes gaze upon me as if I were a gift of wonder 

she is beholding. 

There will be a last time 

I dance

A last time I turn 

And spin

A last time I hear music

And let all the rage and frustrations 

All the years of disappointment come shattering out 

I last time I roll and stretch on the sweet wood of the studio floor

And wrap my myself around the rhythm of the crushing beauty and pain

and then feel my arms 

My arms 

turn into feathers and wings

and float up 

and touch heaven

I don't want to convince you

I don't want to convince you
or cajol you
argue with you
or take from you
I don't want to triumph over you
or defeat you
I don't want to impress you
or defend myself to you
nor gain your admiration
I don't want to lead you
or teach you

I just want to look into your eyes
and see you
just you
I want to see the tears well up
the pools of water
ready to leave you
I want to reach back with you
through this life time
and all the ones before
and rage at the incomprehensible pain of it all
the terribleness of our gods
how forsaken we are
abused
neglected

Today I want to press my lips to your salty forehead
stroke your soft wrinkled hand
your powdery youthful cheek
I want to hold your shaking shoulders
kneel beside you
and hear our guts
try to roar out of our mouths
I want to come to that moment
with you
where you have to stop crying to take a new breath
else you choke
oh why why
were we put here?
why were we made like this?
I want to let our questions
our pain
rise up in the air
and feel it join all the ones before
and know
and know
know
that we are not alone.




Questions not included in Poem:
why do we fight to stay alive
why do we torment others,
pass our pain on and on and on?
why must we be given gifts
just to have them stolen away?