Die now

I see it clearly,
the dying
So die now so beautifully
so ugly
Melt away before my eyes
Dry up, crumple, shrivel and mold
Rot
Fight the dying
Flail your arms
Crawl on top of each other to get out
Struggle to save each other
Lick
the wounds out
the goo off each others wings
Balm
each others hearts
Splint
your limbs so you may drag on a little more
But my eyes are Gods
and they told me
We are doomed
We are gifted
with returning
releasing
and now at our crowning pinnacle of glory and gore,
blazing brilliance and raging anguish
we are falling like rain
ready like leaves before fall
So shimmer now
one more time for me
Let me tell you I love you
I am so happy we were here
together
Oh you were raining stars
so beautiful
If you only knew how beautiful you are
your heart would explode
It would explode with the power of the first moment
and a new universe would be born
for that is what happens every time a soul explodes
into truth
Oh lover, friend,
don’t keep yourself from weeping
because it is the cruelest goodbye and hello
Our God is terrible
and kind
Their loving arms
will scorch
Their kiss is sweet

but it will burn away our bones

I almost wrote you a poem

I almost wrote you a poem
but then I turned on my computer
and got lost
I read about a woman who left her kids in her car on a bridge
and jumped off

I saw some posts
about where we are as a species
and our climate
and the teenagers that are working
to try and turn us around

then I read a text from my sister
and sent her a contacts info
and got working on a spread sheet
so I could record
the names and numbers
of the people
who will come and sing with us
I typed and moved
and fixed

and then
after getting lost on work of digits and details and words

I stepped outside
and saw
the still life of the bike
parked by the side of the house
the shadows cast and the ground reflecting the light of the city sky
and the chamomile flowers glowing
like polka dots in the dark garden

and I remembered
that I was going to write you
a poem

Sometimes in life

Sometimes in life
you have to choose
between
one sadness
and another.

There are no other roads in front of you
no other deals
no other cards

So you choose a path
you make your choice
turn in your card

and look in the face of sadness
she becomes your partner
your company
she rides along side you

If I could have I would have given you a house full of people
who loved you
and a neighborhood full of children to play with
I would have given you gardens
and flowers
and music
I would have lavished my love on you
I would have brushed your hair
and fed you breakfast in the morning

but we were given what we were given
we have our cages and habits
our addictions and patterns

I have no other roads I see
or can find
so we walk
we walk
lost on the only road we can find.

Crazy Momma Earth

Momma earth is not always a kind mother
because really she is kinda crazy
in turmoil
she may give you everything you need
sometimes
but then when you are in need she may turn her back to you

She is a drama queen
often enamored with power
Sometimes she favors her sons that are jerks, assholes 
and forsakes those who have cared for her
the timid and small

She throws fits
and breaks everything
and her poor children left confused and forlorn
crawling for shelter
rejected and ignored

Oh she loves us so much
but she forgets about us

She cries "Why have I birthed my babies
just to leave and ignore them?"
but she must
let them go
and trust they will go on their way
as she goes off to party
and play
and fight with her lovers
and then roll over in her crushing pain
and curling into her molten core
like baby herself
crying in her confusion

Our love at first
our spirts encountering each other
light
towers
spears shooting into the air
shinning
sparkling in the sun,
sailing epiphanies
Then the physical
super delicious, sweet curvy
juicy
sliding, pushing, slipping
licking
into dark tunnels
and bending fabric slides
then clouds
catching us
billows of trust
pillows
resting comfort home
and all the things i wanted to tell you
from my long journey
stories tumbling out
and then
the pain of being here
in this world
still.
doubt
fear
and the work
of building a bottom
slow
laying the bricks of trust
over and over
that hold up
our spirts
as they walk

The taste of snow with Gio

For my son Gio. 

Shortly before my grandma died 

she sat up, totally alert for a moment and said

“oh the lemon meringue pies, they were so good!” 

She was a great pie maker. 

And the lemon meringue was so good.  

Sweet yellow that melted on your tongue 

They were the last words my mother heard from her lips.

And now I see, I remember again,

that if I imagine 

what I would say on my deathbed, it would be 

"the nights shoveling snow with you, Gio, Weren't they wonderful?!" 

The snow softly falling to the ground around us. undoing our work

Your joy in moving your body, in working, so capable, so alive that we would shovel all the neighbors walks too, the street around all the cars, down to the bus stop.

The dark of the sky lightened to pink by the city lights. 

I can smell, taste now the snow melting on our wet winter cloths, warmth of our bodies. The snow itself. The air

Maybe cold toes or fingers, 

Then maybe so hot from working we took off our hats and unbuttoned our coats 

felt the cold on our ears, air flowing through our shirts and sweaters to our chests 

my heart so full of the rightness.

Now I know 

that sometimes once you do something with someone 

you can never do it without them again

I can not shovel snow and not feel that you too are there

in me

moving with me. 

Enjoying the wonder 

the stuff of life 

and being alive 

in it.

Everything

There are laws of physics

That we are trapped by

That we can not escape from

no matter how hard we dream

They say

There was a point

When everything in our universe was one

A singularity

A point of everything inside itself

or nothing

Maybe that was Heaven

No separation

Everything one with everything

The rightest moment

Or maybe

It was Hell

like a cage, a trap

The pressure

Everything couldn’t stand it

Or maybe it was so wonderful

To be pressed so close

So magnificent to know

to feel

pure connection

We just had to share it

To explode with joy

Isn't it amazing?!?

And so Everything

Decided to exploded

Or had to,

We just couldn’t help it

And the instant we did

We both loved it and regretted it

Is the violence tore us apart

shredded

and broke us

From being one

into being

We screamed

and fell and flung and flew

We celebrated and sang out with joy

We roared with the birthing

and wept with happiness and rage

We shrieked the same blood-red screeches of pain that mothers release from their throats

when they see their babies dead

It took us so long to settle

Out, down

To calm

To a slower breath

and grow

Trust and bond again

but we did

We made

We became

Energy, Matter

Stars

Cells

Planets

Life

And now

We repeat

And repeat

and repeat

Being one

and separating.

Creating

and Destroying.

Birthing and

Dying.

The gift

and curse of life

That we hate and love.

The cycle

And we can not escape

But

We remember

We long for

We dream of

And we fear

That moment

That point

When we

Were one

With everything

II

We find a balm

In ritual

In the repeat

Because then we remember

what we were once were

The ritual

In leaves falling

And the ground freezing

The ritual in

Rain falling and mud

In laying in the warm sun

In running

And hiding

In crying and kissing

In making love

In breaking open ourselves

and pushing life out of our bodies