I have so much to share! I will just start now, share more later, maybe messy. Kara is still at the hospital but doing well. She was dehydrated so they pumped her with fluids for the night to help flush out some enzyme built up in her body. I sat with her all evening. She is Amazing! She has some amnesia and, as before, some confusion about what is reality and what is not, but also remembers many details that kept trickling out. I was fearful that she would come back from this more traumatized but it appears that the reverse might have happened, she might have healed some trauma and come back ready to share her wisdom. The adventure started when we were all walking back a mile and half hike from Lake Superior, with a large and messy family group some how i missed that she was the last one and when we got to the end of the trail and i waited for her but she never came, and so started a long 5 days... talking to her; She didn't have any idea how long she had been lost but found her way back right near the parking lot where we all went in 5 days before! she ran into a family 💗 that recognized her and walked the final stretch back with her telling her how we were all looking for her and gave her a sandwich and a banana as someone else ran to get the rangers 💗 that were down below at a campground.... yesterday morning/afternoon she was on a creek that she followed down stream and took her to the trail that lead her back. She said she could feel that people wanted her back and were sending her love. She said there were times she was confused and mad that no one had given her a tent! but that she remembers walking and thinking well I'm lost but its not the end of the world and even feeling stronger than she has since high school, that she could do this. Kara has dealt with a lot of pain and internal struggle. She is an incredibly beautiful and sensitive spirit. She talked about being a teenager and seeing how horrible it was to discover how people both hurt her and hurt each other. she cried tears of joy to hear of all the people looking for her, praying for her thinking of her. She mentioned so many people and loved hearing the names of those thinking of her, the communities. Song. She told me song, song helped her, she sang to herself to support her as she walked, that all animals have or understand song. For me I celebrate this rebirth of Kara and I see that this woman who has been crying out for more love, to be seen, who needed to believe in herself and humanity just found a way to be seen, to show herself her strength, to see how ready people are to help and care for each other. She found a way to show the rest of us her gifts and remind us how beautiful and precious we each are, no matter how different or slow or even angry at times. Kara beautiful spirit, child of color and light and looking at feathers and spider webs, thank you for reminding us that each of us is such a gift. reminding us that today is the day to look in the eyes of the ones around us and see them and love them and hug them and thank the universe for the miracle that is them. Thank you for coming home so that i could look in your eyes again and tell you with all the wordless feelings in my heart that I love you and I am beyond glad that our lives are woven and you are tied to my heart. 💗💗💗
Thursday, July 20, 2017
Saturday, June 24, 2017
If I could explain
If I could explain this day
map out this tree
each twig and branch
The sun flecks sparkling
as the breeze dances each leaf
If I could write a recipe
your warm skin
through your t-shirt
mixed in with
the hum of the city, the twittering of the birds, the rustle of the green world
blades of grass bending, crossing each other
springing back after a touch
If I understood the design of you that was inside of me
and your father
before you were born
and then how you flew out of me
into the world
like a magic gong ringing
to add to the perfect cacophony
If I could explain all this and and how it is happening a million fold
in each moment
then perhaps my poems would sell for a million dollars each
perhaps I could lead the worlds people through a new door
and explain away the laws that say it is illegal to be alive without money
perhaps I could hold my poems up like shields
to protect my people
I could fling them out like throwing ninja stars
that would cut through all the pasty lies
sever the thick cords of servitude, debt, doubt, disconnect
that smother so much of our world
wrap around us, our city, binding us to the cold loveless pavement
and holding us back from kissing our mother earth and our beautiful mud bodies.
oh perfect simple star light word
come to me
and hold my hope back up
that my people
will treat my people
with the love and magic and respect they deserve.
map out this tree
each twig and branch
The sun flecks sparkling
as the breeze dances each leaf
If I could write a recipe
your warm skin
through your t-shirt
mixed in with
the hum of the city, the twittering of the birds, the rustle of the green world
blades of grass bending, crossing each other
springing back after a touch
If I understood the design of you that was inside of me
and your father
before you were born
and then how you flew out of me
into the world
like a magic gong ringing
to add to the perfect cacophony
If I could explain all this and and how it is happening a million fold
in each moment
then perhaps my poems would sell for a million dollars each
perhaps I could lead the worlds people through a new door
and explain away the laws that say it is illegal to be alive without money
perhaps I could hold my poems up like shields
to protect my people
I could fling them out like throwing ninja stars
that would cut through all the pasty lies
sever the thick cords of servitude, debt, doubt, disconnect
that smother so much of our world
wrap around us, our city, binding us to the cold loveless pavement
and holding us back from kissing our mother earth and our beautiful mud bodies.
oh perfect simple star light word
come to me
and hold my hope back up
that my people
will treat my people
with the love and magic and respect they deserve.
Sunday, April 16, 2017
You grew up with windows
If you grew up in the suburbs of the US
You grew up with windows.
You most likely grew up with windows that were clean.
You most likely grew up with large windows that were clean.
You most likely grew up with large windows that were clean, that let in the light but kept out the cold.
You grew up with large windows that were clean that let in the light but kept out the cold and if they were broken they were fixed.
You grew up with large windows that were clean that let in the light but kept out the cold and if they were broken they were fixed, that didn't have bars on them.
You grew up with large windows that were clean that let in the light but kept out the cold and if they were broken they were fixed, that didn't have bars on them, that opened and closed with ease.
You grew up with large windows that were clean that let in the light but kept out the cold and that were fixed, that didn't have bars on them, that opened and closed with ease, with blinds and curtains that could be opened and closed with ease.
You grew up with large windows that were clean, that let in the light but kept out the cold, that were fixed, that didn't have bars on them, that opened and closed with ease, with blinds and curtains that could be opened and closed with ease, that looked out on clean grass and green trees and other well tended houses.
You grew up with large windows that were clean, that let in the light but kept out the cold, that were fixed, that didn't have bars on them, that opened and closed with ease, with blinds and curtains that could be opened and closed with ease, that looked out on clean grass and green trees and other well tended houses, or a vista
or maybe even a lake
that the sun rose over.
And most likely you didn't know
You grew up with windows.
You most likely grew up with windows that were clean.
You most likely grew up with large windows that were clean.
You most likely grew up with large windows that were clean, that let in the light but kept out the cold.
You grew up with large windows that were clean that let in the light but kept out the cold and if they were broken they were fixed.
You grew up with large windows that were clean that let in the light but kept out the cold and if they were broken they were fixed, that didn't have bars on them.
You grew up with large windows that were clean that let in the light but kept out the cold and if they were broken they were fixed, that didn't have bars on them, that opened and closed with ease.
You grew up with large windows that were clean that let in the light but kept out the cold and that were fixed, that didn't have bars on them, that opened and closed with ease, with blinds and curtains that could be opened and closed with ease.
You grew up with large windows that were clean, that let in the light but kept out the cold, that were fixed, that didn't have bars on them, that opened and closed with ease, with blinds and curtains that could be opened and closed with ease, that looked out on clean grass and green trees and other well tended houses.
You grew up with large windows that were clean, that let in the light but kept out the cold, that were fixed, that didn't have bars on them, that opened and closed with ease, with blinds and curtains that could be opened and closed with ease, that looked out on clean grass and green trees and other well tended houses, or a vista
or maybe even a lake
that the sun rose over.
And most likely you didn't know
you couldn't see
so you didn't understand
where the glass came from
or who made the frames
or that your house had large working clean windows without bars on it
but others don't.
you couldn't see
so you didn't understand
So you never even asked why
Thursday, April 6, 2017
just give up now
lets just give up now, for real
lets let go
into the rain puddle
face on the cement.make a bouquet of cigarette butts in the ashtrayspend money on another druglet the cuts come.
caress the lands with bombs
blow it all to smithereens
lets fill the rivers with trash
feed the fish plastic
and the children lies
lets walk away from calls of need
throw away hugs
spit out words of hate
fling them as strong as we can
lets cry all alone
and yell at others for wallowing in their own self pity
deny resources for those in need
takes baths in vodka
exhaling sweating the stink all day long
smear our blood on the stones of the walls already there as we climb them
offer ourselves to the top
building them higher with our own bodies
our own dead bodies
sacrificing ourselves to the GMO corn
lets just forget about them
fuck ourselves for driving past them
hate ourselves for not helping them.
hate ourselves for eating pork from beaten pigs
lets pig out on it
and the radical feminists, the inner city blacks and the privileged white activists, the poor,
the Palestinians and the Jew, the people who don't understand us,
lets blame all the people out there who are different from us, lets blame the men that date woman half their age
lets blame the hopeless drug addicts, the blind rich, the victims,
the brother with brain damage who can not care for himself because he tried to kill himself years ago. The skinny bitch who only thinks about herself and her diet and trying to make her body perfect. lets beat up those who look like the ones who beat us. lets beat up those who put us here. those who enforced the rules. lets fuck those who break the rules.
let the mountains blow up
drive our cars with abandon and hit pedestrians.
because lets face it,
Humans kill and rape and bomb.
abuse and excuse.
and then bury and deny.
don't bother to leave the house
don't wear a jacket for the cold
or
give a jacket for the cold
forget about
mittens
and drums
and smiles
in my hopelessness
and cry with me
because this world is built on top of a volcano of pain
lets shoot guns into the air and let the bullets rain back down on us
lets pop the tires of children parked by the play ground
lets put up more fences
lets fertilizer the plowed fields with
and the homeless
lets blame the angry men
There are 7 billion of us and most of us feel alone, uncared for.
or
or
Just for a moment just see me
in my hopelessnessand cry with mebecause this world is built on top of a volcano of pain
lets let go
into the rain puddle
face on the cement.make a bouquet of cigarette butts in the ashtrayspend money on another druglet the cuts come.
caress the lands with bombs
blow it all to smithereens
lets fill the rivers with trash
feed the fish plastic
and the children lies
lets walk away from calls of need
throw away hugs
spit out words of hate
fling them as strong as we can
lets cry all alone
and yell at others for wallowing in their own self pity
deny resources for those in need
takes baths in vodka
exhaling sweating the stink all day long
smear our blood on the stones of the walls already there as we climb them
offer ourselves to the top
building them higher with our own bodies
our own dead bodies
sacrificing ourselves to the GMO corn
lets just forget about them
fuck ourselves for driving past them
hate ourselves for not helping them.
hate ourselves for eating pork from beaten pigs
lets pig out on it
and the radical feminists, the inner city blacks and the privileged white activists, the poor,
the Palestinians and the Jew, the people who don't understand us,
lets blame all the people out there who are different from us, lets blame the men that date woman half their age
lets blame the hopeless drug addicts, the blind rich, the victims,
the brother with brain damage who can not care for himself because he tried to kill himself years ago. The skinny bitch who only thinks about herself and her diet and trying to make her body perfect. lets beat up those who look like the ones who beat us. lets beat up those who put us here. those who enforced the rules. lets fuck those who break the rules.
let the mountains blow up
drive our cars with abandon and hit pedestrians.
because lets face it,
Humans kill and rape and bomb.
abuse and excuse.
and then bury and deny.
don't bother to leave the house
don't wear a jacket for the cold
or
give a jacket for the cold
forget about
mittens
and drums
and smiles
in my hopelessness
and cry with me
because this world is built on top of a volcano of pain
lets shoot guns into the air and let the bullets rain back down on us
lets pop the tires of children parked by the play ground
lets put up more fences
lets fertilizer the plowed fields with
and the homeless
lets blame the angry men
There are 7 billion of us and most of us feel alone, uncared for.
or
or
Just for a moment just see me
in my hopelessnessand cry with mebecause this world is built on top of a volcano of pain
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Our small fears "I'm not good at looking at art"
"I'm not good at looking at art" I have had more than one person say this to me.
Oh everyone, never look at a piece of art again and wonder what you are supposed to feel or do
or see
Feel what you are feeling, think what you are thinking
Never pretend again to be interested if you are bored
Stop being polite
lets go back to the day of throwing tomatoes if we are disappointed.
Stomping our feet to ask for a beat.
If you don't understand the conversation ask a question or leave
Leave
be brave and leave now scared humans
Everyone cry with me again
Oh we who hold the power to blow the shell of our planet up over and over again but are to scared to tell the artist that we are bored
To scared to tell the doctor we still hurt
to scared to not go to the meaningless job
to stop buying the tools of the slave master
to scared to admit our own part in the rape
to go against the pressure of friends
to scared of pain or death and rejection.
We are lost
Our powers go spinning out so so far beyond our own small lives.
Our stories no longer fit into the reality
We have woven ourselves into a tangled web of lies
I'm hungry for you to admit what is happening
What happened
I'm hungry for you to know what it feels like to be me or them
or for you to share what it really was like for you
To pour spill your ache out like the gush of water breaking
To vomit it onto the floor no hiding anymore.
I am so hungry I can almost taste your scream in my mouth
behind your swallowed words
Human of the world be the artists, be the rebels
be the angels
scare me with your beauty and ugliness
rise up into the sky with your own billowy dreams
and sink into the earth with the lead of your pain
save me
with your truth
Oh everyone, never look at a piece of art again and wonder what you are supposed to feel or do
or see
Feel what you are feeling, think what you are thinking
Never pretend again to be interested if you are bored
Stop being polite
lets go back to the day of throwing tomatoes if we are disappointed.
Stomping our feet to ask for a beat.
If you don't understand the conversation ask a question or leave
Leave
be brave and leave now scared humans
Everyone cry with me again
Oh we who hold the power to blow the shell of our planet up over and over again but are to scared to tell the artist that we are bored
To scared to tell the doctor we still hurt
to scared to not go to the meaningless job
to stop buying the tools of the slave master
to scared to admit our own part in the rape
to go against the pressure of friends
to scared of pain or death and rejection.
We are lost
Our powers go spinning out so so far beyond our own small lives.
Our stories no longer fit into the reality
We have woven ourselves into a tangled web of lies
I'm hungry for you to admit what is happening
What happened
I'm hungry for you to know what it feels like to be me or them
or for you to share what it really was like for you
To pour spill your ache out like the gush of water breaking
To vomit it onto the floor no hiding anymore.
I am so hungry I can almost taste your scream in my mouth
behind your swallowed words
Human of the world be the artists, be the rebels
be the angels
scare me with your beauty and ugliness
rise up into the sky with your own billowy dreams
and sink into the earth with the lead of your pain
save me
with your truth
Monday, January 23, 2017
Person so unlike me
Person so unlike me
learned in the forces of abusing power
addicted to feeling above
liar
offensive
abuser
controller.
Trying to get the world to swirl around you
and your small vision
splintered understanding.
Surrounding yourself with perfect beauty
painted skin
shiny screens, plastic and gold leaf.
try to hold it still
try to keep it
as it melts to the ground.
Coat yourself with young beauties
who open themselves up for you
push your children out
who's sweetness you drink
and try to parade as yours
and then discard.
keep trying to steal into
to burrow into the perfection of woman
pussy
sweet warm
forgiving
opening
loving
beautiful
pussy
keep trying to grab it
because you know
that is where the truth is.
you were pushed out of a woman
from a womb filled with fluid.
They are the crack in your facade
you need them.
you need us.
You touch skin because
you
are just like me
wanting only
to know
you are special
and lovable
That you are ok
that it will all be ok.
that the mother will welcome you back.
You want only to return.
You know you are as gross as your shit
you are as sick as the flu
you are heading for death.
I will meet you someday
in the ocean of life.
In the smear and the mud.
Someday I will make love to you
lay beside you
in the swirl of
atoms
be kissed by the same sun light as you
and forgive you
and hold you
as the scared child you are.
And life will laugh at us
and how ridiculously far from the truth we walked.
learned in the forces of abusing power
addicted to feeling above
liar
offensive
abuser
controller.
Trying to get the world to swirl around you
and your small vision
splintered understanding.
Surrounding yourself with perfect beauty
painted skin
shiny screens, plastic and gold leaf.
try to hold it still
try to keep it
as it melts to the ground.
Coat yourself with young beauties
who open themselves up for you
push your children out
who's sweetness you drink
and try to parade as yours
and then discard.
keep trying to steal into
to burrow into the perfection of woman
pussy
sweet warm
forgiving
opening
loving
beautiful
pussy
keep trying to grab it
because you know
that is where the truth is.
you were pushed out of a woman
from a womb filled with fluid.
They are the crack in your facade
you need them.
you need us.
You touch skin because
you
are just like me
wanting only
to know
you are special
and lovable
That you are ok
that it will all be ok.
that the mother will welcome you back.
You want only to return.
You know you are as gross as your shit
you are as sick as the flu
you are heading for death.
I will meet you someday
in the ocean of life.
In the smear and the mud.
Someday I will make love to you
lay beside you
in the swirl of
atoms
be kissed by the same sun light as you
and forgive you
and hold you
as the scared child you are.
And life will laugh at us
and how ridiculously far from the truth we walked.
Saturday, December 3, 2016
Fuck the shame and the quiet
fuck this culture
and all the cages and lies
I'm so bored and sick and tired of seeing so many souls in cages
bodies holding back their dance
eyes hiding their longing for love or holding back their tears
are you uncomfortable if i say the word boob?
or grossed out when i talk about the dogs poop?
shy about your clumsy body?
your fat, the stuff of life, your bones or shape?
worried if you smell?
because fuck it.
fuck it
fuck fake nails and deodorant and hair spray
fuck business suits, white teeth and saying the right thing
fuck diets and not jiggling or boob implants
fuck being quiet.
fuck holding it in.
you came out with shit smeared on your body
your sacred body
bloody and weak
you cried to be held
your body is here because breasts make milk and babes suckle
your here because your mother and father fucked
in love
or in longing
or even in pain
maybe even in violation, rape
your here because the earth rips itself apart and makes new mountains
because new pine trees grow after the fire passes
your here because bodies rot and go back to the earth
you are here because bees do make love to flowers
because we have longing to taste another between our legs
your here because fucking super delisious guacamole come out your ass a day later as shit.
its the fucking same for everyone
so get over it
there is nothing to hide
we all know it
so fuck the shame.
your here to live and die
to rage and scream and fight and love
your here to dance and sing
your here despite the fact that your parents ate all the lies
your here even if your grandpa was the biggest asshole there was
your here in this world of slaves and abusers
lovers and mothers
blind followers and corrupt leaders
believing that private ownership of water and land is real
your here as the guns hold up the lies.
but really
our earth belongs to the air and the birds
and to us
our bodies belong to us.
so stop believing the lies
stop listening to this fucked up culture that tells you to hide.
look like shit
or shine your beautiful self over everyone
smell like sweat
wear that old shirt or the glitter in you grey hair
show me the hole in your front teeth,
let your smile and your history written in a thousand small wrinkles shine
make all the mistakes you can
love whatever sex you love
tell me a bad joke
dance off beat
sing out of tune
and yell your corniest poem to no one
tell me how you really feel
what you fear
cry
like there is no hope
and love me
like there is no tomorrow.
and all the cages and lies
I'm so bored and sick and tired of seeing so many souls in cages
bodies holding back their dance
eyes hiding their longing for love or holding back their tears
are you uncomfortable if i say the word boob?
or grossed out when i talk about the dogs poop?
shy about your clumsy body?
your fat, the stuff of life, your bones or shape?
worried if you smell?
because fuck it.
fuck it
fuck fake nails and deodorant and hair spray
fuck business suits, white teeth and saying the right thing
fuck diets and not jiggling or boob implants
fuck being quiet.
fuck holding it in.
you came out with shit smeared on your body
your sacred body
bloody and weak
you cried to be held
your body is here because breasts make milk and babes suckle
your here because your mother and father fucked
in love
or in longing
or even in pain
maybe even in violation, rape
your here because the earth rips itself apart and makes new mountains
because new pine trees grow after the fire passes
your here because bodies rot and go back to the earth
you are here because bees do make love to flowers
because we have longing to taste another between our legs
your here because fucking super delisious guacamole come out your ass a day later as shit.
its the fucking same for everyone
so get over it
there is nothing to hide
we all know it
so fuck the shame.
your here to live and die
to rage and scream and fight and love
your here to dance and sing
your here despite the fact that your parents ate all the lies
your here even if your grandpa was the biggest asshole there was
your here in this world of slaves and abusers
lovers and mothers
blind followers and corrupt leaders
believing that private ownership of water and land is real
your here as the guns hold up the lies.
but really
our earth belongs to the air and the birds
and to us
our bodies belong to us.
so stop believing the lies
stop listening to this fucked up culture that tells you to hide.
look like shit
or shine your beautiful self over everyone
smell like sweat
wear that old shirt or the glitter in you grey hair
show me the hole in your front teeth,
let your smile and your history written in a thousand small wrinkles shine
make all the mistakes you can
love whatever sex you love
tell me a bad joke
dance off beat
sing out of tune
and yell your corniest poem to no one
tell me how you really feel
what you fear
cry
like there is no hope
and love me
like there is no tomorrow.
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