Saturday, December 3, 2016

Fuck the shame and the quiet

fuck this culture
and all the cages and lies
I'm so bored and sick and tired of seeing so many souls in cages
bodies holding back their dance
eyes hiding their longing for love or holding back their tears
are you uncomfortable if i say the word boob?
or grossed out when i talk about the dogs poop?
shy about your clumsy body?
your fat, the stuff of life, your bones or shape?
worried if you smell?
because fuck it.
fuck it
fuck fake nails and deodorant and hair spray
fuck business suits, white teeth and saying the right thing
fuck diets and not jiggling or boob implants
fuck being quiet.
fuck holding it in.
you came out with shit smeared on your body
your sacred body
bloody and weak
you cried to be held
your body is here because breasts make milk and babes suckle
your here because your mother and father fucked
in love
or in longing
or even in pain
maybe even in violation, rape
your here because the earth rips itself apart and makes new mountains
because new pine trees grow after the fire passes
your here because bodies rot and go back to the earth
you are here because bees do make love to flowers
because we have longing to taste another between our legs
your here because fucking super delisious guacamole come out your ass a day later as shit.
its the fucking same for everyone
so get over it
there is nothing to hide
we all know it
so fuck the shame.

your here to live and die
to rage and scream and fight and love
your here to dance and sing
your here despite the fact that your parents ate all the lies
your here even if your grandpa was the biggest asshole there was
your here in this world of slaves and abusers
lovers and mothers
blind followers and corrupt leaders
believing that private ownership of water and land is real
your here as the guns hold up the lies.
but really
our earth belongs to the air and the birds
and to us
our bodies belong to us.

so stop believing the lies
stop listening to this fucked up culture that tells you to hide.
look like shit
or shine your beautiful self over everyone
smell like sweat
wear that old shirt or the glitter in you grey hair
show me the hole in your front teeth,
let your smile and your history written in a thousand small wrinkles shine
make all the mistakes you can
love whatever sex you love
tell me a bad joke
dance off beat
sing out of tune
and yell your corniest poem to no one
tell me how you really feel
what you fear
cry
like there is no hope
and love me
like there is no tomorrow.







Sunday, November 20, 2016

Are you strong enough to break?

It all started
with a tear
a separation, a leaving

Are you strong enough to break?
sturdy enough to give in?
to melt away?

Its ok if you are not,
if you curl up in a ball
hugging your knees to your chest
wrapping your body around the unbearable pain
protective sheild of your back turned out
eyes closed, blind to anything more
lost in your own universe
of hurt and harding to protect yourself

Are you strong enough to stop
resisting?
to face
the ugly truths?
the beautiful truths?
the lies?


Face the sneering lips of hate
face your life filled with fear and lonliness
face the bombs shattering lives
face the hopeless circle and smallness
time eating away at your teeth and eyes.
that all you love will die.

See your hands changing
turning
like leaves in the fall
see your beautiful body
drying
ready to fall to the ground
to break apart and crumble into the dirt again.

One more beauitiful time
play your fingers
upon my body
the melody we have never forgotten
until you melt me into the sheets
through the mattress
through the wood of the floor
and the structure of the building
down threw the cement of the basement floor
back into the cold clay beneath
push me deeper still
push my back through the depth of the earth
back into the fiery core
that melts away my turtle shell
protective coating
sears it off
burns right through me
a fire that eats away through my back to enter my heart,
melding, feeding, the pain
that knows
i am nothing
i am everything
and I am going back
back
back into the earth.

Perhaps they are right
there is such a thing as reincarnation
and one day you will be born again
as a lizard
you will crawl over this earth again
slowly, your body strong and sturdy
and perhaps one day you will, feeling the cool breeze,
turn your head
slowly
and your eyes will turn to me
you will see me
a glorious tree
with a million leaves glittering
fluttering
flashing, graceful and green
in the sunlight
and you will again wonder at my beauty
and we
will love
again

















Friday, October 14, 2016

This is a poem

This is a poem for love
for the power
of  words

This is a poem for you 
beautiful horse on the side of the road
eyes are as big as the moon
that I slid by for one brief moment
and we saw each other 
who I will never see again
you who are loved by someone else
a person I have never met
you eating grass
now
in a field I will never walk across

This is a poem for all the people I smile at who look at me blankly
maybe just in to much pain or fear to even see me longing to share with them
maybe wondering why I love them for that moment at all
or knowing that i don't really
and that I will walk on
and forget them.

This is a poem for you
for all the love I would smear on your skin
how I would slam my heart into yours
smash myself into your everything
and then after kissing you
lay at your feet refreshed
washed 
curled in my pain 
in our beauty
longing to go back to our mother earth
and fearing nothing more

This is a poem about how sunlight love strands tangle in my heart spreading out flailing floating from my body into the air around me
up into the clouds and dark star light
raining back 
dripping into empty fields
missing lonely hearts
filling puddles
resting on the tops of the trees

This is a poem for all the people i don't know
a billion leaves shaking in the wind, glittering
the grains of sand deep under the beach, 
below my feet as i walk
that i will never touch or see or know

This is a poem for
you
dying
now

for the bodies being washed with love
being zipped into plastic bags and being taken away
by workers who take away bodies every day
being lowered into the ground, 
covered by earth

This is a poem for the dead cats
on the side of the road
and the people who don't know your dead
who will never stroke on your tense warm bodies again
but will pet another's

This is a poem for those of us just glad to get through this day 
and the dark of last night.
and for those 
who have already 
let go. 

Thursday, September 22, 2016

You will be gone

You will be gone.
In all likely hood
there will not even be a street named after you
and even if there is, it too will crumble one day, the sign will break and no one will care.
Your cells will be in the soil
and the rain
perhaps the river of your life will be flowing through the veins of your descendants
but you, you will be gone
forgotten
beyond the knowledge of dirt and rain.
The curly hair of your beard will have rotted away.
No one will remember the way your hand moved in the air as you gestured
or the lilt of your voice,
the scowl you made after you bashed your thumb with a hammer
hopping on one foot in sympathy
then flicking your wrist.
No one will hear you sing your song again
You will never moan again, salaciously licking the creases of another body.
No one will hug you
or yell at you.
Your house will never fall apart again.
No one will knock on your door.
Soon, perhaps as soon as you blink your eye
you will be gone
melted back
into everything.







Saturday, September 3, 2016

Some days the dance is beautiful
some days it is bitter sweet
or full of pain and being alive
somedays the dance of all of us is so full
reasons to fight and fling and move forward
things to push against
and celebrate
try

But some days the long dance
is just long
and for a few minuets you just want to sit down
and rest
but still the laundry needs to be hung.

All we all want
is to be seen
and loved
to connect

See me sunshine
see me leaves
hear me cicada far away in your tree
I am here
so full of longing still
so full of sadness too
for all that is alive
and all that is dying
all the hope that is not in me
or others
for our long dance of meaningless life



Wednesday, August 24, 2016

We do not need to learn to sing or dance

We do not need to learn to sing or dance. We do not need to learn to move or make music. We just need to move, to let our bodies do what they want, to let ourselves experience music and sound and space and react as we want. The only thing most of us need to do is UNLEARN holding ourselves back. To UNLEARN the lies that we are not good enough. To Unlearn that our bodies are flawed. We were born sacred and have everything we need within ourselves.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

A prayer to my Brown Mother

I know many of you
prey to a "God"
and I hear you say "he"
I see the prophets
painted as a white man.
I hear you say you put your trust in "him"
Many of you are kind and good, full of love.
But I myself
I am going to worship my Mother.
My Mother Earth
and she is old and graggy
and grey
and brown.
She does wears dresses
of green or white
she loves red and purple polka dots
She is wrapped in mysterious flowing blue.
But for me
her body is mostly brown.
Beautiful
run my fingers through your soil
brown.
Beautiful I can lay my back upon you
and you will never disappear brown.
Beautiful
rich offering giving
ready, steady, brown.
And like any child I am of her.
I am her again, young and new and fleeting
and different
She loves everything about me
my skin and hair, my bones and blood.
She has no shame of my body
she loves my breasts
and folds
she would have me hide nothing
if I wish
she cares not what mistakes I make
at times she spoils me
she knows I will die but she gives everything she can
She is a busy mother, so she does not spoil me too much, she has many to feed.
and at times she has little to give
but still holds me close.

I know that I owe my life to the Sun
and his energy
I know he pays the energy bill every day
works to build and warm the house
But he comes and goes.
I know without his sperm
I would not be here
his gift of life.
And I will bow down in gratitude before him.
I dance with the glorious love he shines on me.
But my bones are made from my Mother Earth
She raised me
hugs me everyday
she makes do with whatever is given
never complains, does her best
feeds me, cloths me, loves me.

To be truthful
I bristle when you call your God a he
When I see a video of a white man trusted with a gun
but a black man ordered to the ground
The question is why do we trust the white man over the brown?
Why do you put all your trust in the wealthy white mans God?
made in his image?
his understanding that God is not his flesh, blood, breath, shit and bones?
Every mother knows poop comes with new life,
It was the old rich white man who imagined God as only clean and bright, strong and perfect,
someone else emptied his chamber pot.
Old momma know that if you empty the camber pot in the garden the tree you plant there later will make the most fruit.
Do you want a god that is far from you? floats away from you?
that is not in you all the time?
that is better than you?
I know we all long for his love, but like an older woman talking to her daughter now, I remind you, love yourself first, then love him.  Love your Earth Body first.  He may come and go, there maybe others, but you will always have yourself.  What good are you without loving your body first?  Put your own air mask on then help others.

And if I ripe off my shirt
stand before you
a woman topless
what would you think?
Would you look at me strangely?
tell me that is not respectful but you would let a man do it?
Then you have swallowed
the lie of the white father.
If you see the tan lines on my body
and do not see that they are the first chains we accept
that my breast must be covered while a mans are not
than you do not see the first oppression
the oppression from which all the rest are based
That a woman's body can be owned, 
possessed by others than the who's spirit it houses.
The first lie that the land of our Mother Earth can be hoarded.
You have bought the shame they have spent centuries passing on to our bodies
the lie that it is ok to cover us up
in order to protect us from his lust
that it is ok to build a fence and keep others from drinking from the stream.
that is is ok to own while others are homeless.

I am brave,
free and wild
I am not scared of the suns lust
or love
nor a mans
I will let the whole of my skin shine.
But I am weak,
I am a civilized pet
breed to submit, to live by the lie that I and others can own
our Mother
the riches of our Father.
I see the house I live in and believe I own it
and the land under it,
I have bought the lie too.
We might as well try to give the oceans and clouds away
to our white male God too.
oh but you already have in your preyers,
when we prey to "Him" our great father.
when we are told to trust him and his son, his servants more than any of his other children.
I maybe weak, but I will not prey to the lie.

Maybe today will be the day
that we all throw off our cloths, and chains
and the lie that a woman's body should be covered
that a white man be trusted more than any other
and a brown mother body be in labor without thanks.
Maybe today is the day we tell our white light father we are grateful
but we remember we must also always thank our brown mother, our earth body soul.
Maybe today is the day that see how brown and beautifully and earthy we are
The day we throw out the blue plastic antiperspirant tube, the bug poison and weed killer
The day we eat straight from the garden
invite anyone hungry into our homes
wrap anyone crying into our arms
lay our bodies down in front of all risk to show our brothers and sisters
the same love our parents showed us.
Trusting,
knowing
that we will go back
always
to the arms of our Big Brown Mother.










Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Ok the bad news is that our cherry tree is sick and it looks like we will be getting a very small crop this year, but the good news is a new friend just told us we can pick buckets from hers in her back yard! but the bad news is i am overwhelmed by all the fruit there is to pick, want to go strawberry picking too, still need to get my beans stung up, and its hot and i don't want to think about canning fruit for next winter, but the good news is I am overwhelmed by all the fruit there is to pick and there are free greens in my garden and growing all over the city and my kitchen is clean after a SUPER busy weekend where I helped a bride have an awesome wedding and made some money, all while keeping other
commitments and having fun, but the hard thing is my to do list is now super long and I have lots of calls to make, dates and conflicts to think about, details to pin down and i don't know if i can get to them all, but the good news is that I have so many amazing friends, old and new, beautiful family, and people interested in the pink house and what i have to offer the world, people who feel comfortable with me, who share what is deep in their hearts with me, who want to work with me. The bad news yesterday was Andre fell off his bike and hurt his hand pretty badly and It kept him up much of the night and i couldn't get him to help with somethings i was counting on him for today, but the good news was he didn't get really badly hurt even though he fell in the middle of the street downtown and my family is healthy. The bad news was that i felt like i didn't have time to take my 9 year old to the beach, the good news is my friend SaSa is taking him right now and I have dinner marinating for Chuck to grill as I get ready to run off to teach a yoga class. The bad thing about last week was that the last of the peonies rained their petals down on the floor and we won't get to see or smell them again until next year, for some of us maybe never again and i have been wondering when I will dance my last dance ever, how most of us we will never know when our last anything will be, but now the day lilies are blooming and the air is perfect and I have few wonderful minutes to sit calmly in my yard and write and be thankful for everything. 

Monday, June 20, 2016

feel the petals

quick,
go outside and bury you face
deep in a peony
breath in its smell
stroke your cheeks with the petals
cool, silky
feel how soft beyond soft they are
fall in love with your skin
and the skin of the flower
together
meant for each other
do the petals feel you?
breath it all in
and think of me
and you
and how one day we will be in the ground
gone from what we know.
next time you see me
dance with me
love me
because the heat comes
June ends and the petals fall back to the ground.






Friday, June 3, 2016

Love of the elements On Center Meditation

I am going to be co-host in a weekly meditation show on Milwaukee's Riverwest Radio.  Today we recorded our first one live on the radio.  I called it Love of the Elements, celebrating our bodies and the elements of air, earth, water and fire that make up our bodies and world.  I invite you to find a comfortable place and join in me for half an hour of centering meditation and visualization.  click here to listen on sound cloud 



Monday, May 23, 2016

Dancing in sunlight. Or is it ok to say you are in love with yourself?

         This is a video I shot of myself a few weeks ago at my friends house in Oakland, I was dancing to Cat Power.  I am working on a song of my own to put to this, not done with it yet.  Watching myself, I am in love with my hair, like the element of the earth made liquid. So beautiful, then my thoughts... "Is it ok to say I am in love with myself?" Why do I have fear to write that?  As I look at it I'm not only stunned by my beauty, but I think about all the years I felt insecure... about being flat chested, short legs, big arms and shoulders, I thought I was not feminine looking, that I had funny teeth, a pug nose.  Now I worry about aging and wrinkles and grey hairs, and sometimes I still worry how people see me, how I dress; too frumpy? too dressy? too sexy? Are they judging my underarm hair?  How crazy!!! Look how beautiful I am! And even now as I write this I judge myself for showing off my gifts, attributes that our culture says are "good."  The voice in my head says "well you are a skinny white woman with 'good' hair, nothing special to show off there! You're just lucky to be part of the privileged, what's deemed beautiful."  But the part of me that falls in love with my beauty, that also falls in love with all those around me, the world, the flowers, the water, that part, says "NO! You are made from stars, you and everyone else and you ALL deserve to shine!"  WE all want to be seen and glow, we are all magical. This is what a year and a half away from 50 looks like for me, I am going to celebrate! 

          I also think about how my posting dances, images like this might awaken others to judge themselves. And I see, yes, I was given gifts, this healthy strong body, this gift of movement. I imagine for some they might have a real and justified feeling of envy, sadness about their own bodies. Bodies that hurt, that they don't love, that others have hurt, violated, that they feel shame of.  I can only imagine what others experiences are like, but I can imagine grief being a real and valid response. We all deserve to have bodies and spirits we love and can celebrate, that are honored by others. We are all wounded in so many ways. For many of us our wounds include being taught a lifestyle that doesn't support our bodies being fully healthy, and abuse of our bodies. For me although I have been given the gift of a healthy body, I have escaped physical trauma, like everyone else I struggle. I awaken at night tortured with pain, loss and regret. The people around me struggle, we try to connect over and over and often can't seem to find the path. We love each other and we feel hurt by each other.  But now I see all that struggle, those wounds can also be gifts, for they are the flip side of joy and connection. So... what is my final thought.... that obstacles, stepping over logs and climbing mountains makes our legs strong, and struggling with connection and love make our spirits strong.  It is my belief that we are made from exploding stars and the energy of the sun and in so creation and destruction are one and the same.  Mother earth opens violently over and over to bring fresh elements up to the surface to feed life. Human life mirrors that, mothers' bodies are ripped open in pain to give birth. We hurt each other and are hurt.  We can not exist without pain.  We can not feel joy without grief, we can not know love without pain.  May we all honor and respect each other. May we all know we are made from stars and may we all struggle and rejoice in body and spirit.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Beautiful words

I collected all the beautiful words I could
grabbed them by their stems
and shoved them into the prettiest crystal vase I could find
placed it in the sun for you to see

because beauty is a drug for me
crawling through pain
with you
can be joyous

because there was a time
when everything was possible
when to have it all
we would risk everything
when my heart beat so strong in my chest
So wild
birds soared into the sky as we walked passed
and flowers bowed their heads
to your life song.




Thursday, April 21, 2016

Saved one more time

Saved one more time
by a song
reminded one more time to scream and rage
with joy and push
I am never going to give up, never going to stop being in love with life
even when I'm not

all the traffic turning left
all the blinkers beating off time
all the art i didn't make
all the goldfish the cat ate
the hawk eating the squirrel in the tree
all the times i didn't tell you i loved you
all the fat cells on your body you hate
all the life you gave up
when you hung your self above the ping pong table
all the fucked up roads and thoughtless design
all the greed
based on fear
all the facts I hate
all the work you long to do
to show that you care
that you matter
all the bus routes cut
all the teenage boys with brain damage from falling off bikes
or diving into shallow water or driving
lost in the wild feeling of drunk
now men
all the severed spirits
who shot and killed
in rage, pain or fear
or faith
all the prisons filled
by rules made for money
all the lonely people sitting in their houses right now
wondering how they got there, where they went wrong
every lie sold
every pale blue plastic tube of deodorant
every color that once was glorious and now is drab
all the birds chirping to declare territory
that sound like joy to me.














Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Most sacred thing

I'm going to make a song
that will reach the deepest seed in you heart
I'm going to dance so wild
you will see light
shining
from everything
I am going to smear poetry in the every crack and crevice of the streets
lick your eye lids with my tongue
caress you with the art of my body

And you will leave behind
all your fears
and come join me
in all our beauty and glory
you will dance and sing with me
until your heart bursts through your chest
knowing
that you are
the most sacred thing





Thursday, April 14, 2016

I don't need to heal

I do not need to heal
I am everything flying apart
torn ripped and flaming
glowing with fire

I am a million flower petals opening in the sun
every leaf quaking on the trees

I am death and dying and the green sprig pushing from the earth
I am perfect surrender
a horn blowing into the air
announcing we are alive
echoing in your mind that there is nothing but beauty
even in the red blood
and even in my fear I have no cowardice
no shame for our imperfection

I am that every girl woman is a goddess
bursting to give life from her belly soul body breast

I am eternally dancing
spinning with the stars dust in your eyes

I am everything is wrong
nothing is right
I am the cut on your arm you made to stop the pain

I am so long trying
giving up

then taking up arms again
defending the cause until my body is taken back into the earth

I am smiling with tender memories
ready to hold you with the arms of god

I am
the gentle forgiving breeze
and the bird song

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Because I am a good witch

Because I am a mama bear
I will fight for your body
and for my children
and the water in the lakes.

Because I am a good witch
I will feed you dark greens,
sweet tea and the bitter truth.
I will stroke you with tender fingers
kiss every inch of you with my eye lashes
admire your irises and the buds of you fragile smiles.

If you threaten those I love, harm my home planet
I may curse you
calling upon the power of all the stars
and the moon,
I will partner with mother earth,
our ancestors
and all that pull.
Because the wrath of a wild witch can be dark
as the monks knew
and believed.

Burn me at the stake
and you will dream of hell for centuries,
create it as you walk
passing on the nightmare of your god living far away
to your children's children.

Bloody your mother with disrespect
and she will wait
her powerful bed everything you need.










My rebuttal to "there is nothing to fear but fear itself"


Nothing to fear but
a broken heart
which can kill you
Nothing to fear but
watching people you love suffer
nothing to fear but being cold, or hungry
or hot and thirsty
or alone and forgotten
yelled at
pushed away.
Nothing to fear but the fact that our rivers and lakes are poisoned
that it is illegal to grow food if you don't own land
Nothing to fear but
holes in flesh and knowing that there are people so broken that they will try to tear you open also.
Nothing to fear but others in fear and the gun in their hand or the paper on their desk
The power they have over our bodies.
becasue it is illegal to pee if you don't have a bathroom
or money
it is illegal to sleep if you do not have a bed to call your own.
Nothing to fear but the weakness
in ourselves and all our fears
given to us as gifts to keep our cells alive and our seeds blowing forward.






Monday, April 4, 2016

i will not give up

i will not give up
on being a human
on dreaming that we are good
that we can act out of love
that all of our carelessness
our cruelty
can be washed away again with warm arms and smiles
our selfish spirits can be saved again with our bodies strength

i will not give up that i can paint in the air
music that can save your soul
for a moment
or an hour
that i can dance myself back up to heaven again
that i can see love and stars in the eyes of all the people

i will not give up on
untying the knot of pain
the tangles of our hearts
pulling the stone out of my throat
so i can swallow the whole truth
and see god in the flowers of spring

Monday, March 28, 2016

star dust memory chip

How we all just want to be seen
to let our bit of star dust chip shine
and have others, ones we love, shine it back on us.

How we all just want
to make a beautiful thing

How I can feel the air bubble pressure change
as I pass by you
how I rub off on you
smiles soak into cheeks
the smell of my smoke
soaks into your cloths

To build a fire from coals
press two together
and blow
feed them air
and tinder
until the flame emerges,
bursts forth
and it becomes one
fire

How I long to press myself into you
again

How once implanted in my heart
the computer chip in my body
scans the distance of eyes
searches for you
in the pattern of every face.





Friday, March 25, 2016

fly away ghosts

Fly away ghosts
and dreams
there is nothing to see here
but a person
physical body
flaws and scars
walking to the car,
washing dishes.
You do not comfort me
your arms are empty air
there is no smell in your hair
or heat in your smile.
Leave me be now
and fly off to wherever your world is
fly off and take your rainbow words and searing thoughts
your fields of knives
and soft pillow things
fly away
and leave me be.
so I don't burn the butter
so I can see the child in front of me asking for love
so I can see this moment again
and all the sweet things in it.






Wednesday, March 16, 2016

until we go

All things
collected together
make a storm
and a calm
every thought and mountain
all the things that we are
the sweetness of lips
the tears we shed
the dragons of pain
spit flying from angry mouths
the trampled spring grass
dogs playing free in the park
the snow that fell and melted
was
all things that I hold in my chest
that smile,
like the yellow flower in the brown leaves.
every truth
stuns me
that they live together
in the smallest space
the biggest world

from this day I release fear.
I will live looking at death
and her wonder
knowing she loves me
as much as my mothers blood
and until I let her wrap me in her arms I will flirt with her with joy
I will mould myself, a brave warrior
in the jungle of sunlight
and mystery
I will give it all away again and again
and I will kiss the ones I love
again and again
until we go.











Sunday, March 13, 2016

maybe you are angry

Maybe when you were a baby your mother was told not to pick you up when you cried,
not to sleep with you and your perfect body.
Maybe she did not offer you milk from her warm body.
Maybe you were taught to pee and shit in your pants and then a few years later yelled at when you did.
Maybe your mother was gone, or your father, maybe they had no support and were alone and angry, Maybe you were abused, yelled at by the ones you loved. Told you were not enough, not ok as you were. Maybe you were raped.  Maybe you went to school and were teased because of the shape of your eyes, because you were fat or had a lisp, you dressed funny.  Maybe you were told not to like what you liked: the color pink or the same sex or dancing or...  Maybe you cried because you did not want to go but were made to.  Maybe you live two miles form a huge lake and have never seen it.  Maybe you have never been told you are good, magical and lovable.  Maybe you have never put your hands into you mother earth or eaten fresh food from a tree.
And then the media told you you were not right, your hair is to frizzy, you don't have enough friends, your family weird, your breath and body smelly.  That you shouldn't talk about sex, or touch yourself at night. That you gender is weak or violent, your skin color a sign of being inferior.
Maybe you were told there was a road to happiness through how you looked or what you owned or though how much power and money you have.  Maybe you were beaten on the street after you left the corner store, or watched others die from violence or neglect.
Maybe now you work a job that shakes your body and vibrates in your ears until you ache.  Maybe you are yelled at by your boss or looked down at and feel you can't leave.  Maybe over and over again you cut open carcasses of cows and stand in stinking blood, you wrists, your body in pain. Maybe you are invisible and feel like no one needs you.
Maybe you long to be loved but only feel warmth and safety from a bottle or from pills. Maybe you hate the person you have become and how you treat the mother or father of your children. maybe you beat the ones you love.  Or ignore them because it is just too hard.  Maybe your body just hurts
and you are alone
and maybe now
Now you are angry.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

writing about music

No matter
the fear
or pain
how big the hole of loss or the confusion
how crumpled and useless it seems
hopeless our prospects
as long as i fling my body
my voice, out into space
as long as i am intwined with music
touching every molecule I can find
with the shape of me
hugging nothingness
as long as i join with others
as long as i give it all away
to the melody
the rhythm
everything
is ok.

Friday, March 4, 2016

thankful for rice

As thankful as I am
for rice
and the sliding of children's feet in socks on wood floors
for feeling the sun in warm lips.
That the lies you told me,
that we told ourselves
can be forgiven.
As thankful as I am
that today
the body on the stretcher
was not my loves
that you are all right
that blood is flowing to each cell of you skin
and that a cut with a knife
would cause you pain
As sad as I am that your mind
sent you to hell
for a life time
until your children cringe to hear your voice.
For the hair
of a dead woman
still sitting in your drawer.
As bitter sweet as it is now
to see your eyes
close to tears
as you realize there is nothing
but your body
this life
and the pain
and the longing to be seen and held
like the child
you were so many years ago.




Saturday, February 6, 2016

wild tame thing

I remember as a child they said she was a "wild girl"
drank too much, ran with the boys
didn't listen to her mother.
30 years later she told me
she told me that when she was a teenager 
she would go into the woods and take off her cloths and lay on the forest floor
how it felt so right
and yet she told no one
for shame of its wrongness
We are tamed
living in our beautiful cage
our stimulating environment,
yesterday, 9 year old boy
we go, discovery world
look at other animals in cages and pools
touch the water they swim in
pull levers and switches
Today, same boy, breaking bubbles in the ice
finally lays
his whole body
down
on the smooth frozen water
stretching out
feeling the fabric of his coat as it slides
on the strangely soft hardness
he lets his body float on its surface
laying
rolling
over to look at the branches of trees
and sky above him
and as I walk to him
I cry
to see him so at home
laying on his mother
nothing but rightness

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

crazy graden

Celebration
I can eat with you
in my mind
poems that paint rainbows of wonderful nonsense.
all the dancing on clouds we could do.
all the running with hands full of popcorn
cheeks full of love
smiles falling like rain
you on a mattress of leaves
falling into the center of the earth
caramelized stars swirling around our heads
chew on my hair
flick flies into space
skate off the edge of the earth
with me
holding hands
just bath me in whats beautiful
feed me ginger syrup and tangerines
tell me you love me and how beautiful my eyes are.
touch me until I see the colors of
geranium petals sparkling in the sunlight
until I open my mouth and let flower petals spill all over your bed.
let paper foxes run over my perfect body
rivers run under my body
and carry me away to the most amazing world
distant lands
covered with magical beads
that I gather and fill my mouth with again
until I smile at you
and they all spill out
falling to the ground and springing into the craziest most beautiful garden
that crawls up our bodies
its too late to make sense
my heart has floated to high
my throat is too full
I danced to many dances
opened my heart too wide
spread my legs to easily
dived into too many garbage dumpsters
rubbed too raw
and ate more sugar than I needed
and its ok, no one can read my hand writing anyway
no one will know the secret of everything
and nothing
that I tried
to bite from your lips.



Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Love letter to my body

Love letter to my body
The only one for me
given to me by a million mothers and grandmothers
fathers and grandfathers
by millenniums of creatures
surviving
working together
eating, sharing, pooping, taking
creating
and then me
the current point of the arrow
flying through space, eating sun light
sweating and crying sea water
water flowing through me
everyday
dreaming dying back up into the sky every night
pressing my heart into others
pushing my legs off the ground
thighs!
just those alone
how I love you legs
you carry me each day
helped me carry my babies
bring groceries up three flights of stairs
never asking for more than you need
devoted
workers
and yet you love to play
dance
be touched
race, spring
capture the flag, jump over logs, leaves flying, twigs snapping
dancing on metal blades on ice
so fine and large and strong
and hands!  hands
touch feather light on skin, explore curves, lips, with wonder,
details, painting dots, writing poems
partner to my eyes
oh beautiful eyes
that see all the delicious colors
all the people I love
and the darkness of vast space
through the block holes in the center of their eyes
the sun radiating from their smiles and then feel the warmth of
it in my own heart
oh beautiful body
i love you more than any words can say
and I mourn
that I will leave you one day
that every precious cell
will sperate
leave each other
melt back into the soil
float back up into the sky
forgetting the touch
of holding my sweet babies
oh sweet home body
so glad I was given you
you were given me.  your magic combination
you
me
my bit of sea water star dust
miracle muscle power vibration shaking tearing open rejoicing
never forgetting
and yet so forgettable
like my great great grandmother
who I know nothing about
not even her name
and yet I owe her my life





Wednesday, January 27, 2016

So we can weep together

Lets go outside
And dig a grave, in the mud and ice
To bury all the lost smiles in
As the cold numbs our fingers
and the clay sticks under our nails
Lets look into each other’s eyes and cry.
Paint my cheek with the mud on your hands
Press your broken heart into my chest

Lets preform an operation
With razor blade or scalpel knife
We will cut each others chests open
With precision
Crake our ribs
Carefully peal back the skin and flesh
I will reaching my bare hand deep inside you
pushing
through,
wrapping my palm
around the hard pit of pain
I will grab it, tug
wrenching it out of your body
feel the ripping myself
we will scream as it comes out
you will look at me with surprise
like one shot by a bullet
how could you?
You really did?
I will hold it over my head
soft flesh still hanging
and scream it up to the sky
Then bringing it down to my heart I will cradle it.
Wash it with my tears

Now you reach into my chest and grab mine out too
And hold it
Like a golden tender thing
Treasure
Then look up at my eyes again
Surprised, we did it

And we are safe

Here is my prescription for the vast majority of us: You need to be in a relatively safe place outside with others