Crazy Momma Earth

Momma earth is not always a kind mother
because really she is kinda crazy
in turmoil
she may give you everything you need
sometimes
but then when you are in need she may turn her back to you

She is a drama queen
often enamored with power
Sometimes she favors her sons that are jerks, assholes 
and forsakes those who have cared for her
the timid and small

She throws fits
and breaks everything
and her poor children left confused and forlorn
crawling for shelter
rejected and ignored

Oh she loves us so much
but she forgets about us

She cries "Why have I birthed my babies
just to leave and ignore them?"
but she must
let them go
and trust they will go on their way
as she goes off to party
and play
and fight with her lovers
and then roll over in her crushing pain
and curling into her molten core
like baby herself
crying in her confusion

Our love at first
our spirts encountering each other
light
towers
spears shooting into the air
shinning
sparkling in the sun,
sailing epiphanies
Then the physical
super delicious, sweet curvy
juicy
sliding, pushing, slipping
licking
into dark tunnels
and bending fabric slides
then clouds
catching us
billows of trust
pillows
resting comfort home
and all the things i wanted to tell you
from my long journey
stories tumbling out
and then
the pain of being here
in this world
still.
doubt
fear
and the work
of building a bottom
slow
laying the bricks of trust
over and over
that hold up
our spirts
as they walk

The taste of snow with Gio

For my son Gio. 

Shortly before my grandma died 

she sat up, totally alert for a moment and said

“oh the lemon meringue pies, they were so good!” 

She was a great pie maker. 

And the lemon meringue was so good.  

Sweet yellow that melted on your tongue 

They were the last words my mother heard from her lips.

And now I see, I remember again,

that if I imagine 

what I would say on my deathbed, it would be 

"the nights shoveling snow with you, Gio, Weren't they wonderful?!" 

The snow softly falling to the ground around us. undoing our work

Your joy in moving your body, in working, so capable, so alive that we would shovel all the neighbors walks too, the street around all the cars, down to the bus stop.

The dark of the sky lightened to pink by the city lights. 

I can smell, taste now the snow melting on our wet winter cloths, warmth of our bodies. The snow itself. The air

Maybe cold toes or fingers, 

Then maybe so hot from working we took off our hats and unbuttoned our coats 

felt the cold on our ears, air flowing through our shirts and sweaters to our chests 

my heart so full of the rightness.

Now I know 

that sometimes once you do something with someone 

you can never do it without them again

I can not shovel snow and not feel that you too are there

in me

moving with me. 

Enjoying the wonder 

the stuff of life 

and being alive 

in it.

Everything

There are laws of physics

That we are trapped by

That we can not escape from

no matter how hard we dream

They say

There was a point

When everything in our universe was one

A singularity

A point of everything inside itself

or nothing

Maybe that was Heaven

No separation

Everything one with everything

The rightest moment

Or maybe

It was Hell

like a cage, a trap

The pressure

Everything couldn’t stand it

Or maybe it was so wonderful

To be pressed so close

So magnificent to know

to feel

pure connection

We just had to share it

To explode with joy

Isn't it amazing?!?

And so Everything

Decided to exploded

Or had to,

We just couldn’t help it

And the instant we did

We both loved it and regretted it

Is the violence tore us apart

shredded

and broke us

From being one

into being

We screamed

and fell and flung and flew

We celebrated and sang out with joy

We roared with the birthing

and wept with happiness and rage

We shrieked the same blood-red screeches of pain that mothers release from their throats

when they see their babies dead

It took us so long to settle

Out, down

To calm

To a slower breath

and grow

Trust and bond again

but we did

We made

We became

Energy, Matter

Stars

Cells

Planets

Life

And now

We repeat

And repeat

and repeat

Being one

and separating.

Creating

and Destroying.

Birthing and

Dying.

The gift

and curse of life

That we hate and love.

The cycle

And we can not escape

But

We remember

We long for

We dream of

And we fear

That moment

That point

When we

Were one

With everything

II

We find a balm

In ritual

In the repeat

Because then we remember

what we were once were

The ritual

In leaves falling

And the ground freezing

The ritual in

Rain falling and mud

In laying in the warm sun

In running

And hiding

In crying and kissing

In making love

In breaking open ourselves

and pushing life out of our bodies

Howard Lewis and me singing Girl In The War by Josh Ritter.

Crazy Garden

I am a crazy garden 
tomatoes laying on the ground rotting
But also ripe ones 
juicy, ready to be eaten 
And green ones full of potential 
I am the muddy worn path children have run on over and over
And the tangled forgotten one
Almost invisible.
I am the seeds planted with loving hands and intention
And I am the neglect
I am the seeds planted by chance
and by the unknown wisdom
of the wind and rains.
I am the waiting seeds and the cool dark earth under deep cover.
I am the mysterious cobwebs
Brilliant flowers, dripping berries, and over grown branches.
I am dying patches and brown leaves.
I am a feast for bugs
I am the unkempt bramble
The fertile soil
messy, joyous
full of stories
gifts
and possibilities.

And so we sat

And so we sat
without talking
letting the silence say
all the words
letting the silence
hold
all the stories
we had already told each other
all the truths we didn't know how to say

letting the silence
express
all the pain
all the gratitude
all the memories of children's smiles
and family gone
all the hoplessness
and all the kindling sticks of hope reborn
all the broken promises and broken hearts
all the love throbbing in our chests
all the power burning in our bellies
all the crying and screams stuck in our throats

the silence took it all in
the silence had all the space we needed
the silence said all we needed to hear
the silence held all we had to hand out

the silence became a thing
a tower of strength we could lean on
meld with
join
our silence strengthened it
built it thicker and taller
and wider
and yet it was lighter than air
we could pass our eyes and hands right through it
the silence
and we could feel it spread out from us and extended into the night

the candle burned
in the center of us
like a single bright coal broken from the sun
melding with the dark

and we held the silence
and felt the power
that we didn't need words to know.