I don't want to convince you

I don't want to convince you
or cajol you
argue with you
or take from you
I don't want to triumph over you
or defeat you
I don't want to impress you
or defend myself to you
nor gain your admiration
I don't want to lead you
or teach you

I just want to look into your eyes
and see you
just you
I want to see the tears well up
the pools of water
ready to leave you
I want to reach back with you
through this life time
and all the ones before
and rage at the incomprehensible pain of it all
the terribleness of our gods
how forsaken we are
abused
neglected

Today I want to press my lips to your salty forehead
stroke your soft wrinkled hand
your powdery youthful cheek
I want to hold your shaking shoulders
kneel beside you
and hear our guts
try to roar out of our mouths
I want to come to that moment
with you
where you have to stop crying to take a new breath
else you choke
oh why why
were we put here?
why were we made like this?
I want to let our questions
our pain
rise up in the air
and feel it join all the ones before
and know
and know
know
that we are not alone.




Questions not included in Poem:
why do we fight to stay alive
why do we torment others,
pass our pain on and on and on?
why must we be given gifts
just to have them stolen away?

A wild run

In general, I am averse to risk
I am homebody, a nester

But
I know the pleasure of running down a hill, your legs spinning under you,
you realize you've lost control, you might trip at any moment
and you are scared,
tumbling
feeling the air with each bounce
but also
you are wild and free
carefree of the crash until it happens
In awe of the risk
caught in the wonder of momentum
for a few seconds, time is timeless
the end has not been reached
and the joy of being alive bursts through your body
extends out
and wraps your tiny self
around the whole great earth

Body of Civilization
now we are running
down the hill
tumbling faster than we can control
scared
sad
but oh what a wild ride it has been
how beautiful the music we have created
the lights and explosions we released
The power of the sun we liberated from wood and gas
and the magic of understanding
We have lifted our selves up into the sky
and talked through the clouds
We swam with dolphins
and made millions of babies
and millions of laughs
We looked at tiny crystal cells and mapped our genes

Civilization, I am but one cell in your body
and I weep for our choice
But I love you
I forgive you
and I am grateful for the wild ride












 

A hole is never empty

A hole is never empty

Something always fills it

Air

or water

or sand

Bark 

Or bugs

Leaves

Minerals 

Blood

scar 

puss

Pain

or time

or love

A hole is never empty

Something always fills it

Silence as big as a mountain 

Or a baby’s cry

Like children at the beach

We learn 

The edges collapse 

And the water rushes in

Never Become a Dancer

Never become a writer
Write to get the fever down
because the words come tumbling out
Write to return the river to the sea
and feel the center of the earth

Never become a scientist
Wonder because you don’t know
Explore because it is so beautiful
Look because the world is before you, falling at your feet
and you can’t look away
Search because love leads you
to try

Never become a musician
Make music to save your self
Sing at the sky because it is so wide
because your voice flies up into the air by its own will
Sing because you can feel the stars singing back into you
because you can feel it comfort all the lost souls
Bang on the drum because your heart knows
for all the infinite yeses out there
Pull on the strings because they ring out the truth of your soul
Make music because your longings will go unanswered
but while the tone is going your thirst
will be quenched

Don't become a dancer
Dance because you are free and wild
because the beat is running up your spine
Dance because you have to
Because you want to
Because God loves you
and forsakes you

Again

Again the cat calls to say he has brought a gift
while I lay in bed
thinking about the son I don't live with right now
the child I no longer cook dinner for each night
he is 12
13 in one month
Again no poem
for the men I love
the choices made and unmade
again I don't understand
Love
no words for the sadness I can't even feel
again I think about
turn over in my mind
the dire warnings about our climate
all the attempts at change
the huge ship of our humanity unable to stop sliding in the direction....
I hear the whir of the city, like the ocean in the distance
always louder and clearer on a cloudy night
again I think about my sons and their future
again I imagine the last time I will see them
how we all might end
again I get out of bed
The cat has brought a mouse
I pet him to tell him it is good
and step by to go to the bathroom
thinking I will get a piece of paper to pick it up with in a moment.
I hear him start to crunch on the mouse
I think perhaps its skull
In the time it takes me
he has finished
it is gone
I turn on the light to see
to clean the floor
but there is no sign of it
like it never was
No mouse
No body or blood on the floor
just purring cat
gleaming white chest
asking to be pet
I stand up and I pick up my cell phone
by habit
again
It has a warning on it
of flash floods
again I put it down
and go to write a poem in the dark
on my glowing computer screen
and try to pay attention
to what brings the tears

Best way to remove stains

I find the internet full of differing opinions and advise that is just to buy a product when I search for advise. So I am going to keep a list of ways that I remove stains that i have tried and know work here. i will add as i use them and they work.

Remove plum, fruit, berry stains from cotton:
first I put some salt and enzymes for cleaning on it. not sure this did anything
Right away; keep wet. Stretch fabric over bowl and pour boiling water over it.  This worked after the enzymes

Die now

I see it clearly,
the dying
So die now so beautifully
so ugly
Melt away before my eyes
Dry up, crumple, shrivel and mold
Rot
Fight the dying
Flail your arms
Crawl on top of each other to get out
Struggle to save each other
Lick
the wounds out
the goo off each others wings
Balm
each others hearts
Splint
your limbs so you may drag on a little more
But my eyes are Gods
and they told me
We are doomed
We are gifted
with returning
releasing
and now at our crowning pinnacle of glory and gore,
blazing brilliance and raging anguish
we are falling like rain
ready like leaves before fall
So shimmer now
one more time for me
Let me tell you I love you
I am so happy we were here
together
Oh you were raining stars
so beautiful
If you only knew how beautiful you are
your heart would explode
It would explode with the power of the first moment
and a new universe would be born
for that is what happens every time a soul explodes
into truth
Oh lover, friend,
don’t keep yourself from weeping
because it is the cruelest goodbye and hello
Our God is terrible
and kind
Their loving arms
will scorch
Their kiss is sweet

but it will burn away our bones